Dealing With Infidelity
Dealing with Infidelity is one of the hardest things we can face. Security in the critical relationship of companionship is what we as human beings value most. This relationship is the highest state of achievement in humankind, and the breaking of that trust represents the greatest loss and pain. With dealing with infidelity, there is no middle ground of being; it is either an all or nothing situation. We either have full trust and security in our most valued relationship, or we have no security and total abandonment. The betrayed partner must face the truth that their partner does not place as high a value on their relationship as they do. The reasons do not matter, and the victim must face that. There are two perspectives involved; the first is of immediate discovery, and the latter, is of how we see things after thinking about it for awhile. Our emotional first response will understandably be very strong, and may not change after having time to cool down. Dealing with infidelity will involve much evaluation of our situation and finding the reasons it happened, from the victim's point of view. One of the biggest mistakes we have seen happen over the years is for the victim to see the situation incorrectly and to place blame on the wrong reasons-meaning blaming themselves and further hurting their self-esteem. A person's choice to love and honor another is not dependent on the recipient's ongoing ability to keep us entertained or benefited in some way, as a price paid for our devotion. We do not love our children because they are born healthy, beautiful or bright. Would we not love our child just as much if born disabled or different? Of course we would! So too is the choice for fidelity. So too must the victim see themselves worthy of loyalty, for the simple reason they are the partner-period-end of statement. To argue causation somehow rests with the victim is deception on the offender's part to shift blame. Proper dealing with infidelity means we must enforce the obligation of loyalty on the offender, and the right to demand that loyalty on the victim. It is only from this correct moral high ground that an extremely hurting victim can see clearly and make a sound judgment and response. Dealing with Infidelity; the proper response No matter what the situation, the victim is always faced with two choices in some form, and at some point they must select one of those two choices. Should the victim forgive the offending spouse or girl or boyfriend and proceed with the relationship, or should they abort the relationship in search of another. If moral principles were the only factors involved, the decision would be relatively simple. Sadly in dealing with infidelity, that is rarely the case. There are almost always other logistical factors that will be influenced by any choice the victim makes. Things include, reputation in the community if business is involved, such as church or organization membership, children, community property, sharing of housing issues to enjoy combined incomes, and other factors as well. There can be significant price tags on any choice we make. Reaffirming the relationship will leave the victim with no real assurance of fidelity in the future, and thus no benefits of enjoyed love, devotion, and security. Dealing with Infidelity; reach out to supporting friends for comfort and insight Do not keep your situation to yourself. Everyone involved is going to find out sooner or later anyway. Reach out to nurturing others who can help you bear this burden. You did not cause this situation, and you have no obligation to keep it secret. Saving face is not possible in the long run, and protecting your offending partner's reputation is of no use to you. What you need right now is comfort and wisdom in making your decisions about your future in this situation. That comfort and wisdom is found in the counsel of as many caring and supportive friends as you can find. A good friend will not only help you sort out the right decisions, but will be behind you no matter what decisions you make and will help carry you through.
Dealing with Infidelity; think first before deciding Since we the victim are thrust into a position in which we have to make life changing decisions on such a grand scale, is it not wise to take a little extra time to think about everything first before we act? You bet it is! Slow decisions are the best; carefully consider how each thing will be affected by our response. Children, income, housing, insurance benefits, community assets, educational opportunities, business and social ties, and lifestyle all have to be considered.
Dealing with infidelity cardinal rule number one: Other than relationship counseling, If something is missing inside the marriage, it can never be fixed by adding something from outside the marriage, to make it complete. Dealing with Infidelity Review: 1.) Do not argue blame because the offense stands alone, reflecting the character of the offender. If something was missing, it is the offender's responsibility to bring it to the victim, for mutual resolution, such as withholding of affection, inability to communicate, or disagreements over financial or social matters. 2.) Allow yourself time to cool down and think about the situation in all details, before making any decision. Almost never is there a time limit on making a decision and initiating a response,unless you put one on yourself to save face, which is not a good idea. Put your hurt pride aside for time to think or else bad choices will follow. 3.)Seek the counsel of trusted friends whose opinions you value. When it comes to facing big decisions, the more good reasonable viewpoints you can access, the better realistic feedback you will get, and wiser final decisions will result. This dynamic works in therapy in accountability groups, and it works outside the counseling office just as well.
4.)Do not leave God out of the list of friends you have. Much of our failure to overcome obstacles in our lives, especially in relationships, is forgetting that God is there to talk to. When you talk to Him, ideas will come to mind that you could never think of on your own! Yes, you can have a relationship with God outside of religion. Maybe this event was allowed to bring you and your loved one closer together, or to seek Him. Whether the relationship is resolved or dissolved, God can help you heal one or both your lives. What do you think? At this point what do you have to lose? God bless you as you find your answers in His counsel as well.
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