Effects of Emotional Child Abuse

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Emotional Child Abuse

Feeling popular is big with abusers, for they need to be looked up to by their victims. Child abusers need someone to need them for approval, and for help in life. They need to exercise control over someone because they feel like ‘outsiders in life’ otherwise.

All abusers desperately need a victim to need them, and oftentimes will expend their whole life’s energies making their victim need them to see, think, feel, make decisions, and carry out all daily tasks for them. The abuser’s life consists of living for their victims in the abusive relationship.

Effects of emotional child abuse primarily involve the dynamic of violation of boundaries. Abuse starts with the taking away of the primal boundaries of our personhood. Those boundaries are our rights to see things through our own eyes, to feel our own feelings, to think our own thoughts, and to make our own choices.

Once this experience has happened to us in our childhood, either by emotional child abuse or by omission of a primal caregiver, such as lack of a parent, it tends to replicate in adulthood, unless we change the cycle ourselves.

If we do not heal ourselves and mature out of it, we will replicate our emotional child abuse by becoming either an abuser or a victim. The two postures are not exclusive of each other. At some point we may become abused by an employer or church leader, and be an abuser to our spouse or children as well, and at the same time.

The next effect of emotional child abuse is that we seek out like-minded others in which to carry out our emotional child abuse in cycles. We date, marry, parent, join churches and social groups with, seek employment, move into neighborhoods with, and carry out our business transactions with similar abusive personalities like our own.

Abusers tend to group together in cult like groups to look out for each other. These personalities all create their own world around them to suit their template of reality. That template is, ‘life is rough and we all need to stay together to survive’.

Have you ever driven through a community or a neighborhood and wondered why all the people there are the same? It is not just because of economic status that we all live in neighborhoods with neighbors similar to us.

We seek out settings with the same emotional posture as we are. We seek out employment where as much as possible the bosses and co-workers mirror our own emotional health.

Emotionally abused persons do the exactly the same thing. They will seek out a repressed area with high crime to live in, even though they may be able to afford better, because they feel comfortable there. When you ask them why, they will make up something like, ‘the better neighborhood is too snobby’, or some other excuse. What they mean is they do not feel they deserve the better neighborhood.

Sadly, the last effects of emotional abuse is its resistance to heal. The strength of the denial posture and powerful feelings of shame that most victims hold within make it almost impossible to cure.

There is one good thing, for over time, some of us mature out of the cycles of pain that we are bringing on our selves.

We get tired of our helplessness and poverty and slowly we reach out subconsciously. We start getting more intolerant of our abuser, and we back off from the possessiveness of our victims. The most important way we change is we start to find better relationships to help us with our life.

What this indicates is we are becoming more aware of who we are as a deified person and of the existence of our primal boundaries, and what they are. If you or some friend or family members are experiencing such changes, we rejoice with you.

Oftentimes though, change must be forced upon the abuser and the victim to create change by the courts through legal action. However, rarely abusers may come forward on their own for no external reason and share their problems in a church or to friends in an attempt to make a change. This is always a good sign as it indicates an internal growth, if this happens.

If you have experienced effects of emotional abuse, or are in the company of someone who has, we rejoice in you choosing to seek help. The first step in overcoming emotional child abuse is to share it with trusted others.

Give yourself a teddy bear, they make great listeners when we need to talk.

Your desire to heal indicates your heart is changing, and this change others will see and as a result will reach out to help. Be warned those dysfunctional persons around you will also notice this internal change and will respond negatively towards you as well. The only recourse may be to break contact with the poisoners in your past.

Trust your new choices of friends and reach out to others whom you feel are wholesome. Trust your gut feelings about others and do not go back to old relationships, who may be poisoners. Only go back to finish up old business, and reconnect with past family which is your positive heritage, and armed with that positive family tradition, move bravely on into a new life.

The effects of emotional child abuse do not have to be a part of your future, as they have been a part of your past. Learn from that situation and move on.

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