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Signs of Teenage Depression
Signs of Teenage Depression To begin with, let us tell you what is not teenage depression. Teen life, by its very nature is an emotional roller coaster to some degree. That is normal and that is nature. It is normal for your child to experience emotional highs and lows, and to try doing different things, or assume different roles from time to time, which is just them growing up. Peer pressure is the greatest influence on teenagers, and trying on different identities is how they find out whom and what they are as adults. Along with trying on of identities, are the emotional highs and lows of their life that go with it. As awkward as that may make them at times it is neither a symptom of unusually low self-esteem nor signs of teenage depression. If you are a concerned parent, church or school youth worker, or maybe even a concerned relative, we thank you for visiting us. Welcome to our website. The greatest mistake we make in looking for signs of teenage depression is in comparing teen life and emotionality to our own emotional life as adults, which it definitely is not! If you are concerned about a specific individual in your circle of friends or in your youth group if you are a teacher or coach, you are doing the right thing getting as much insight as you can. Unlike some other sites who may list the signs of teenage depression, we will also speak about the normal social growth of an average teenager here to add to your insight. Why will we do that? Simply laying out a list of signs and symptoms will do you no good unless you see how their life is different during this time in their lives than our lives are as emotionally complete adults. Their perspectives are different, which makes them respond to emotional need in opposite and often unhealthy ways from how we self-contained adults would respond. With this understanding, we can then look for signs of teenage depression with more accuracy, for you can then see them in their true context as a symptom. Teens are an entirely different breed of cat. If we can go back and remember our lives when we were teenagers, and how screwed up we were at that time, we can better understand. Some of us were pretty mixed up and made some significant mistakes. I know I did! In most cases, the mistakes we made our parents could not have taught us, nor could we have learned any way but to fail and learn by that experience. For some things in growing up, experience is the only teacher, and instruction may prove irrelevant, especially in learning lessons from relationships. Your teenager may go through times of little emotional control and have bouts with anger and temper, which may well be part of the growing up cycles of life. Extremes in emotional activity, even for reserved or mature type personalities can happen, and they may be inconsolable for a while. None of this so far constitutes signs of teenage depression. Remember how confused we were and how emotionally needful we were then, and we turned out all right. Also, remember that our parents did not know anything and that we knew everything about everything! That is where your teenager more than likely is today. So far, all is normal. The Teenage World is a world of possible opposites, where some bouts of inconsolable depression and temper flare-ups are signs of health, and where quietness and blessed maturity, and social reserve can be deadly signs of serious trouble, as was my case. The Netherworld of The Teen is much like the Twilight Zone as far as interpretation of symptoms goes, unless you understand why. Everything is reverse, and nothing is constant. We will talk about this aspect in detail in interpreting these signs of teenage depression, because it is so important. Do not touch that dial. We will return right after these messages from our sponsors!
The greatest firsts to them are with the opposite sex; first date, first kiss and so on. As with all firsts in anything, they bring a flood of overwhelming emotion at each beginning experience. It is normal for them to pin the future of the Universe on the outcome of a certain date, or a certain party appearance, or admission into a club at school, or acceptance into a certain group or club. As adults later, they will find out over time, the universe did not end because they failed the first time. Moreover, eventually they will achieve after a while and will end up with the girl or boy of their dreams. It is normal for them to have a turbulent flight from age thirteen to twenty, and to have many high and low times of trial, much error and a few mishaps and mistakes. Just because your teen has a few down times and a time or two of being blue and pining over the boy or girl of their dreams, that is okay and that is normal. Remember teens are not normal; they may be stupid and emotional, and on teenagers, stupidity looks good. It is only on us adults that stupidity looks bad. If you are concerned about signs of teenage depression, so far nothing yet. The horizon is clear and nothing on the radar screen. Next, we will switch to a longer-range screen and see if we see any blips over our horizon. In looking for signs of teenage depression, the farther away we can detect it, the more likelihood of a shoot down with one of our missiles. The last thing we want is to detect it only ten miles away at the last second before impact. We need to see this stuff at least two hundred miles out, when there is a very high chance of an intercept. Okay, now we will explain the reverse reality concept we need to be aware of as we look for signs of teenage depression. In adult life, if we have emotional need, we usually respond to getting this need met by reaching out for reassurances from our loved ones, or by pursuing answers in some way from our pastor, employer, or the other involved individual in question. The reason we do that is we regard our environment as friendly and a source of cooperation. We also see our selves as proved, accepted and self-contained. We do not see ourselves always in a competition for social rank. We do not need social life out there somewhere to make us feel complete. Therefore, we are not under the burden of needing relationships with peers as the teenager is. f we do not need others to help define us as teenagers do, we do not care what others may think of us necessarily. We feel empowered because we are independent. A teenager does have tremendous social need of others to accept them, and to show him or her that they are beautiful and significant. How does that relate to signs of teenage depression? You may ask. Actually very directly, for if you have a need, especially a great emotional need as a teen does for the approval of their peers, they have an automatic self-perception of powerlessness. They need others to accept them. They may not feel confident enough to participate socially to get the recognition from others individually or from the group as a whole to meet their needs. Nobody wants to have their heart control them, and their need of love from others is overwhelming. If they do not feel there is a sympathetic personality out there to turn to, they will perceive their need as a point of shame and try to hide it. What you would do if you have an emotional need as an adult would be to reach out to others to get that need met. Because you do not need others, you can risk a rejection or a negative feedback from them much more easily than can a teenager with his or her friends in the same situation. Your response would tend to be the opposite from a teen, all other things alike. Your emotional need would not threaten your self-esteem, but a teenager’s emotional need very well might. A teenager would then reasonably tend to hide their emotional need, or point of distress, and treat it as a weakness. They would tend to hide it from their peers because they see themselves and their life as a beauty contest, and they would tend to hide it from the adults in their lives because they feel they do not care. Reaching out to their peers to share a need (what they see as a weakness) would be as ridiculous to them as it would for you if you were in a beauty contest, and you were to reach out to another contestant, or to a judge for help during the contest! That is how ridiculous it would appear to a teenager to ask for help and support normally. You must understand this filter on their reality. Teenagers have this ‘life is a beauty contest perspective’ because of two drives, nature gives them. These two drives are what tend to make teenagers hide their emotional need, and greatly distort signs of teenage depression, because their natural behavior is to mask it as a fault. These drives are the herding instinct, and the frontier instinct. The herding instinct is when nature calls them through their hearts to go and congregate with their own age groups and find their place within that group. No other relationship matters and the call of ‘The Sun and the Beach’ they must answer first. This call of nature will control them until they marry as adults. When they pair up and marry, then the call will go internal and ‘The Call of Home” will control their hearts the rest of their lives. The frontier instinct is what calls men to become soldiers and adventurers and what calls women to be pioneers and explorers, and both may become travelers. When the hearts of young people have such grand yearnings inside, they may not understand why older people like parents and teachers would be content to stay home on Saturday night. How can a young person explain their heart’s needs for social life to an indifferent parent or other adult? It is no wonder that some young people would try to hide their emotional needs from what they may feel are un-ambitious adults resolved to failure and just sit around. They do not see we adults do not go out on Saturday night because we have our needs met, they may see us simply as lazy or too old. We must explain to them that we did have the same deep emotional urges as they now have, and we answered by going out too. We are content to sit around on Saturday nights now because we did go out in our youth, we did get our social needs met, and then we settled down, happy and successful. Once you understand this possible barrier to your young person not relating to you, then you see why they might hide their signs of teenage depression from you. Okay, now you see their world, and now you see how they may misinterpret you in your self-contained adult world.
Let us review; Teens feel ‘The Call of The Herd’ of their own kind, and ‘The Call of The Frontier’ to find their place in life out there somewhere. Teens see life as a big beauty contest where one must always put their best foot forward to impress and never let down. Teens may feel we are aliens from another planet because we as adults feel comfortable staying home on Saturday night, and they would be lonely if they had to stay home. This big culture difference will act as a discouragement for them to try to share their deep emotional pain with us adults, or even with their friends as well. There is another weakness all teenagers have that we as emotionally empowered adults do not have, and that is the ability to put their feelings and emotional needs into words. This only acts as a further discouragement to try to share emotions they may yet not be able to define, and specify.
What do you do when you have a problem and you know others will not understand you emotional plight? You hide it, right? So will every teenage person who has deep emotional need in which they do not feel capable of understanding or feeling unable to share. Now let us look at a few specific signs and characteristics of young adults in the beginnings of depression.
A young person acting like an adult as one of the signs of teenage depression We are not looking for signs of teenage depression so much, as we are looking for signs of them hiding their teenage depression. Openly expressed emotional activity is natural from growing teenagers. What is not natural is for them to be like us. That is a definite danger sign. That is the first blip on our radar screen we are looking to detect. Look for that sign as far out as your radar can scan. Teenagers are not normal and they should not act it. If your teenager comes across to you as being like you or their parents, and sees things through the adult eyes of reason, patience, and practicality, something is wrong. Teenagers are neither practical nor patient; if they want a car, they want a new one and a top flight one, and they want it now! What is more, you the parent are the obstacle for them not getting it, right! if your teenager suppresses their feelings to exude what you want them to feel, they are suppressing more than a few impulsive desires, they are suppressing emotion to a dangerous degree. Tendency to stay at home on Saturday night
If your teen has a strong tendency to ignore socializing with others their age, or they shy away from any social activity whatsoever, that is the next blip on the radar screen. The rite of passage of all youth is to congregate after school and on weekends in endless socializing. That is normal and that is healthy emotionally. Even if there is minimal social activity, there should be at the very least twenty to forty relationships in your child’s life. They should not only see their friends at school, but after school in social or school activities as well. If your child is not socializing with his or her friends to the extent it is driving you crazy, then something is wrong. Remember their needs are great, and your threshold for social need is low, so their social activity should be a source of bother to you. If it is not, you need to investigate this with your child. Even if they are not showing signs of outward discomfort, this is still one of the strong signs of teenage depression if they are not socializing with their own kind, either in sports or in some academic or hobby interests. Staying close to their parents and going everywhere with them
If there was ever a blip on our radar screen that is the strongest of signs of teenage depression this is one! If there ever was a cardinal rule of teenage behavior and values, it is to blame parents for everything. Do not you know that as a parent you are the cause of everything bad in your teenager’s life? You control the interest rate, the economics of society, the weather, and even their misfortune with their friends, is somehow all your fault! Teenagers by nature hate their parents, wish to be as different from their parents as they can, and that is as it should be. Any time you have teens going everywhere with their parent and staying with them in public, something is terribly wrong. This is the strongest sign ever that the parent is an abuser and the teen is a victim with no self-esteem.
Being quiet about themselves, not sharing their dreams and being an audience to others This is not good that a teen should keep their views inside themselves all the time. That is a strong sign of teen depression because it indicates they have sent their feelings and heart’s desires underground. If your teenager in question does not make it known by their everyday activities the things they want to grow up to do or to be, then their emotional life has gone back inside their own head, where it should not be. It should be on the outside of their life where they express it to everyone, often to the extent it is a bother to the family, then everything is normal. Spending time alone with their thoughts and walking by themselves If you and others see your teenager to be prone to isolation and long periods of reflection in what seems to meditative thought, it is not a good sign of maturity and contemplative nature. It is a strong sign of deep emotion pain and suffering! That is not good! What that tells us is your teenager has already tried to reach out for comfort, support, and others have rejected them as being a bother. Walking on a beach alone, or sitting in a park away from others where they do not do some activity with their hands for a long period is something for which to look out. Listed above are the far away signs of teenage depression, which is what you would see on your radar if you have your radar on the over the horizon setting at the longest range. Closer in signs would be the usual emotional indications of lack of concern over their self and their clothing, sadness and staying in their bedroom all the time. Unusual quietness and general lack of teenager enthusiasm will be present as well. We will not get into an exhaustive list here on this page, because those signs are obvious and need no elaboration. The bottom line is you the concerned adult can use your gut feeling that this child may be in pain and need some comfort somehow. You do not need an advanced Doctorate or PhD to figure out that.
There are things we can do when we encounter strong signs of teenage depression, either as an early stage, or as an advanced stage. The good news is what teenagers lack in wisdom and life experience, they more that make up for in ability to recognize sincerity. We have a saying in the military and that is ‘the best defense against a tank is another tank.’ The best approach to helping a teenager who is struggling with depression because life they do not understand, is to understand them. It really is not important what the problem is exactly at this point, what is important is that you share with them that they matter and their happiness matters to you. They belong in this world and it matters that they get their emotional needs comforted. It matters that they get their selfish nurturement needs met, and their growth achievements applauded. Whatever role you play in their life, as parent, teacher, youth leader, or coach, you can help by taking time with them alone, in an appropriate setting. Lack of concern for their feelings gave them the message they do not matter and have no value. Moreover, renewed concern and interest from others who care will send them the new message that their feelings do matter and they are important as well. You do not need to have a charismatic game show host personality, or to be an athlete or a movie star idol to get the respect of a teen. What you need to be is the true sincere self that you are. If there is one ability a young person can do much better than most adults is to pick up on sincerity and authenticity. Lack of love and indifference from caregivers are the cause of their emotional pain, and noticing their signs of teenage depression, and letting them know you are concerned will start the healing dynamic working. Do not be discouraged if your attempts at getting them to open up do not work right away. They are not rejecting you because of lack of respect for you. Usually it is because they are surprised and not used to anyone else caring, and do not know how to respond at first. Be patient, available, and continue to let them know that you care. Over time, they may open up to you as they start to put things into words to share with you. If you are the parent, there is no better time than the present to apologize if you have anything you need to apologize for doing or not doing. Please consider our first in series book Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind, as an aid to help with your teenager. Written for teens and adults, we talk about the whole overview of our soul’s journey as we follow our heart’s dreams to our ultimate destiny. We answer many questions about selfishness, prosperity, psychotherapy, and finding our dreams and happiness. We also talk about the spiritual controls we have within to bring our good to us. Those controls are our Sincerity Switch, Spontaneity Switch, and lastly our Feelings and Dreams Switch. Thank you for visiting us today and please keep in touch, sharing your trials and your victories with us. We promise to answer personally every Email that we receive. Shayne and Lori North in Aurora, Colorado
Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind The Book
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