Teenage Depression and Approaching Your Troubled Teen
Teenage depression can be difficult for adults if they do not know how to respond. Here are a few tips. Talking to our children can be difficult for several reasons. First, as our children are growing into adulthood, this emerging time can be one of strained relationships. This is natural and not necessarily a sign that we are bad parents. This emancipation dynamic often happens for brief spells even in good homes. Teenage Depression and putting our egos on the line Second, for us parents, if we address an emotional problem with one of our children, we may have to face the fact that we may have been a contributor to what is going on, and that means our own egos will be at risk. For marginal parents, it is an easier choice to ignore the problem and hope it will go away. Since you are here and researching, you are not one of them, you are very responsible. If we ask our teenager what is the problem, we must not be defensive and be ready if they say, ‘it is you.’
Teenage Depression and taking the direct approach If we conclude a young person is not acting as is natural and healthy for him or her, we need to find out what is going on. One approach is to take them aside and talk with them in private. Do it at a time when they are not going to be with their friends. Do not pull them out of a group or public setting and make it obvious the conversation is taking place, but do it privately at home or elsewhere. Teens as early as sixth grade might feel uneasy talking with their parent in a public setting because once 'teen mentality' starts to set in, parents are like the plague, and it is taboo to be seen with them in public. Do not worry, it is not you, it is a teen biological thing, we promise! Teenage Depression and how to start the conversation We might start with ‘We have noticed such and such a behavior and it feels like to us that something is bothering you. Are you aware that you are doing that?' Or, ' I know I might not be the world's most perfect parent, and I notice you seem bothered by something. I want to know if I am the source of what is bothering you.' Or maybe just, 'We do not normally do this, but could you and I go out to breakfast next Saturday? I would like to know how my (insert first name) is doing.' Alternatively, 'Okay, this is your Stone Age parent, and I was wondering if you would be willing to bring me up to speed with the Real World with a talk sometime? I promise I will leave my cave man skin and club at home.' Teenage Depression and being prepared for indifference at first Do not be discouraged if either of two things happens: First, they act as if they have seen an Alien from Planet X, and they turn you down in disbelief. Second is they take you up on the offer and then do not share anything but shallow and indirect conversation. Neither of these responses indicates failure on your part in your attempt to reach out. The purpose of the approach is to show your love for them and concern for their emotional well being. Whether they accepted it at first, they noticed the attention, and your offer conveys that loving concern to them in spades! Teenage Depression and Roller Coaster Emotions If they accept and only engage in what seems irrelevant conversation that is still a good sign. A teen does not understand their feelings as well as we adults do. They just know things are all screwed up and they do not know why. Few would possess the ability to express a conflict clearly defined and laid out in detail. That type of extreme confusion is natural. Getting close in conversation will happen like continental drift, over a long period of time. It does not matter if you both had a summit meeting at McDonald's for three hours and solved all their problems or just a quick breakfast and little is said. What matters is you made the attempt. That sends the message that you care and it tells them that they matter. They have just learned that their feelings and sense of well being are important to you. Teenage Depression and consistency If you fail at first, keep trying. Remember, gentle and constant pressure will win the game. Be patient, be consistent, and above all else, be available if they need it. The Tortoise always wins the race. Teenage Depression and imitation Become a role model of positive attitude and adopt an open caring posture with others. Your teens will not let you know this, because they may not realize it themselves yet, but you are still the brightest star in their world. How you regard their feelings of depression and anxiety, and with what positive attitude you respond to the stresses in your life is the same response they will imitate the rest of their lives with all their problems. If you have not done this in the past, start doing it now and the teenagers in your circles will learn it and imitate it. What example are you going to set for them?
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