Self Esteem for Abused Women

Being abused and having a low ego and suffering at the hands of a traumatic relationship does not have to be your future. You can change it.

Welcome to our website and thank you for visiting us. We hope you find the answers and real encouragement you deserve right here. We can think of no more serious subject than the harm to one person by another. As we talk about the low ego of victimized women, we will discover the poisoning bonds that make this damage happen. If you are being harmed presently, or you have a friend who is experiencing this type of pain in their life, we hope this helps to break these bonds, and give you inspiration to move past your life-damaging relationships to the full life that is awaiting you.

You are far more valuable and far too beautiful than to spend your life in any relationship of shame and humiliation. We are going to share with you the real keys to your power and independence here and now. You need never fear a negative and controlling person again. The secret is; you need to see how beautiful and valuable you are. You are Okay. Once we show you, the real ‘you’ that any husband or father would be very proud of, then you will not need any painful or negative relationship ever again.

This information is stuff that no therapist or pastor wants you to know without him or her dragging you through therapy for a year or so at thousands of dollars in sessions. You will find all your answers right here for that on this page. We would like to sell you one of our books or articles, but not to give you something that you cannot use. We want to share with you all the complete answers you will need to heal. We will not tease you into a sale of a non relevant book, for we have little respect for those authors who do.

By the words of your search, you are already on the right track! What we know is that all adult damaging relationships arises out of self-esteem issues, not of the abuser, but of the victim. Low self-esteem is the Achilles Heel of the victim, which binds them permanently to the abuser, and to the need to stay in that life-damaging relationship.

There are several spiritually poisoning assumptions that the victim believes that makes their loyalty to the abuser so strong. The basis of all of these assumptions is on relationships learned in early childhood. The victim sees the abuser as more than a companion or friend; they see them as what we call a source figure. In healthy relationships, the basis is what we know as ‘peer-to-peer’ or ‘equals in parity.’

In dysfunctional and abusive relationships, the basis is one of full dependence on the other as the source figure. The victims are looking outside themselves for what they should be supplying to him or her self from within. The dependent person or victim looks to and gives the source figure full responsibility for giving them all their meaning and value. They even give the responsibility to the source figure for giving them their identity and for how they should see things in life.

The backbone of dependence on the abuser is the lack of self-esteem present in the victim, which they are seeking from the abuser. The victim needs approval from their abuser that they are ‘okay’, so they can then emancipate emotionally and leave, soul business finished. The abuser knows this and wisely withholds approval and recognition of their personhood from them to keep them dependent, because they need power over someone else themselves. The more the abuser withholds approval, the stronger the need for that approval gets, and the stronger the relationship becomes! It is the feeling within the victim that ‘they are not okay’ that ties the victim to the abuser.

There is another energy that ties to victim to the abuser as well, and that is ‘borrowed virtue.’ Victims, without any self-esteem, seek it in any way possible and one convenient way to do that is to be a victim. Everyone knows victims are helpless and therefore innocent, so they deserve all sympathy and understanding for observers. That is why victims will not heed advice to leave their abusers. For to do that will rob them of their only sense of self-value they have, and that is the identity of being ‘an innocent, loyal victim.’

The beginning steps to soul liberation from abuse are to see abuse as a shadow. It is not an original event, but a replication of some life-changing trauma deep in your past. Every time you or your friend experiences an emotional abuse event, try to remember what the experience was as a child that this event replicates. Make the association to any like childhood event. The more that you do this, you more you will see the similarity between events of today and events from your childhood. You will soon remember the past events that made the shadow, which you keep hiding in, which is in your world today.

As you see the similarity in the events between now and in early life, so too will you see the similarity in abusers, between your abuser today and your original source figure from childhood. Over time, as you think about similarity in events, and similarity in abusers, then you will move on to see similarity in relationships. The relationship is really about self-esteem, you, or your friend seeking it, and the source figure and abuser withholding it, and nothing more.

You or your beloved friend is projecting your responsibility to fill your ego to the parent figure, which is your abuser. If there were no abuser in your past, but a lack of source-figure or loss of one, the message of lack of self-worth was still the same. We learned we did not get the love and nurturement we needed because we did not deserve it, for whatever reason. Such is the egocentric logic of an innocent child’s heart. What we learned from our original source figure, or lack thereof, is that innocence-killing message that ‘we are not okay,’ which is a powerful shaming lie!

When we were children, our soul-growth stopped, as events sent us on the sidetrack journey to find our self-esteem. Before we can move on to our dreams and ultimate destiny, we must learn the soul lessons of our self-esteem first. The problem is we went back to the same hostile source figures to find our self worth repeatedly, and we never did widen our search elsewhere, to find evidence of our true self worth from nurturers.

We need to find the right well from which to drink. How do we get our selfish nurturement needs met, when we never had loving parents, or the parents we had were themselves abusers. Who do we turn to when we are grown up; we are not small and cute children anymore? Nobody wants to hug us and let us sit on their lap, and tuck us into bed with a bedtime story with a happy conclusion.

The answer is we assume responsibility for our own needs and we begin making positive choices. To assume our responsibilities we must take away those responsibilities from our abusers. You are already starting to do that; otherwise, you would not be seeking information on this website. You are beginning to branch out and find your empowerment from within. Your abuser certainly did not send you here! Continue to look within to find that inner beauty and sense of sacredness. Look within to find your power, for it is in there and it is starting to emerge, the Wonder Child power within.

We know the next question in your mind, and it is a good and valid one. If we have deep emotional needs for love and nurturement to build our ego, then how do we do that from within? We need a real parent or a real nurturing source figure to give us that love and understanding to us. Pretending to have an imaginary loving friend to make us feel better will definitely not work. We want a real person! We do not want to be alone at night when we go to bed. We need a real person to love us and understand our thoughts to make us feel we are okay.

Moreover, this is our next point: What do you mean ‘pretending does not work?’ You pretended to find an abusive source figure to replicate the relationship from your childhood, and look what happened! In some small subconscious way, you had to believe or pretend an abuser was out there for you to find, before you could find them. You received exactly that for which you asked. You asked ‘amiss’ as the Bible says. You received in your life that for which you pretended! Instead of pretending to find an abuser, you can pretend to find a nurturing soul who will worship your deified self and show that higher side of yourself to you. This is the simplest way to define what prayer really is, and that is creative visualization. As we say in higher metaphysics, ‘Pretending is Prayer.’ We all do that all the time, and it works all the time. If we have low self-esteem we think about things that are not so fun to receive and we get what we pretend. You at some point pretended to meet an abusive personality to have a relationship, and you met one. Before it was a relationship, it was a thought that crossed your mind, and the mustard seed became a tree of a relationship. You may not remember thinking about it first, but we assure you that you did!

You may have trouble, asking God for a nurturing person to come into your life, because you may feel you do not deserve it. However, you do not have to have high self-esteem to imagine what a person like that might look like. Just focus on what a person like that might look like and be like. Do not try to imagine if they would like you or not, that would be projecting your own low self-esteem into the picture, and that is not necessary to overcome that hurdle yet. Trust us on this and try it!

You did pretend in your mind in some form, to find your present relationships, some good, some very poisoning. By thinking of a nurturing parent-figure and just seeing what they might look like, you are very much calling someone with this type of personality towards you.

How do these metaphysical energies work? All of us have spiritual connections to humanity at large. These are broadcasting antennas we use all the time, only we do not know that we use them. These antennas broadcast the deepest callings of our heart. These antennas broadcast to everyone through our Sincerity Switch, our Spontaneity Switch, and our Feelings and Dreams Switch.

We have written about those antennas in our book Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind, but you do not need to understand about them yet. Just know that you have them and they exist to help you. That which we think about in those areas are what we attract to ourselves. We all sense and follow each other’s signals, and we congregate to other like-minded souls.

Spiritual birds of a feather do congregate together. If you have low self-esteem from childhood, you will attract abusers into your life that will lower your self-esteem even further, as well as other low self-esteem individuals like yourself. If you seek to raise your self-esteem and think about nurturers who will respect you, you will attract them just as easily, and they will come very quickly!

Have you ever seen two homeless people sitting at a crosswalk and asking for handouts and ever wondered, ‘how did these two people ever find each other?’ If you had a big city of a million spiritually empowered people, and only two losers, and they were far apart in that big city, they would still find each other soon because they would migrate together somehow. My sister is like that. If there is a loser anywhere within a million miles of her, they will find each other in no time! Soon he will be abusing her and they will be fighting like two roosters! Pardon my agricultural examples, but I grew up on a farm in Florida in the fifties.

Self-esteem for abused women is always very low, because that is what their parents, or lack of a parent has taught them, and they broadcast that with their Sincerity Switch set on shame and abuse. This broadcast attracts every predatory personality within range to meet them and get involved in their lives. They are literally broadcasting a message as deadly as bleeding in the ocean with sharks smelling the spiritual blood in the water.

Soon the sharks will swim in for the kill. These signals work over the horizon, as we communicate with people we have not met yet, from distances far, far away. Quickly they gravitate into our social sphere until we finally meet them, in bars, at work, on the bus, or just in the supermarket or at our mailbox as neighbors.

The solution is to imagine what we call, ‘the Forever Nurturing Parent Figure.’ This guardian angel soul is waiting in the wings to meet you, right now! Guardian angels are not only spirits from the other side, they are souls who love to nurture and are living in this world to help and heal others.

Let us back up a second and cover a few basics: We all come here to earth to do three things. The first thing is to grow, the second thing is to learn, and the third thing is by doing the first two, to serve. You or your friends are here to grow and to learn, specifically about your beauty and value as a precious being. God sent you into an emotionally barren childhood to take that value away from you to help you learn how sacred you are. Teaching you your beauty is much like trying to teach a fish about water, to do that you must take the fish out of his water, so it would learn what the water feels like when it finds it again. That is all God is doing here, making you find you own beauty to make you a better person than you could be otherwise.

You or your friends are now ready to move on to your next stage of growth, and that is to come home to your emerald city a triumph and a ruler, like Jesus did. Disconnect from your abusers by seeking relationships with others who you will soon meet who are nurturer and healer souls. Do not worry; you will recognize them, for they will soon come, just by your thinking about them. This is all the instruction that you need for now, because we have covered a lot of therapeutic ground. Take your time thinking about these things and dwell on them. Here is a brief summary of all you need to remember.

Low self-esteem for abused women is the glue that ties them to their abusers because they need to borrow virtue by being an innocent and pure victim; however, they are not innocent and not pure because they choose to stay in the relationship to get pity.

If you focus on the idea that you deserve better than abuse and shame in a relationship, you will soon attract others who feel as you do about those very things. Attracting others to you who feel as you do about things is what your Sincerity Switch, Spontaneity Switch, and Feelings and Dreams Switches do.

Low Self-esteem for abused women does not need to keep them in prison to shame and humiliation from a controlling spouse, boss, teacher, coach, or religious leader forever. If you look for comforting and understanding souls with which to interact in new relationships, God will send them as you begin looking for them! If you have an open mind and believe there are good people out there waiting to meet you, they will start appearing. Remember this above all else, Pretending is prayer, and faith works ‘over the horizon,’ not in the visible present. Trust in God, and believe in his plan for you.

This web page is the herald telling you your new emotional life is out there, waiting for you to come into it. Your life’s lesson is to learn of your spiritual powers, and thusly your responsibility to meet your own needs. You must not depend on someone else to do that which only you can do yourself.

For more on this subject please consider our first in series book Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind. In it, we take you through your spiritual journey back home to your Original Self. We talk about God's purpose behind that soul’s journey, as we follow our heart’s dreams to our ultimate destiny. We answer many questions about selfishness, prosperity, psychotherapy, and finding our dreams and happiness. We share much about boundaries. We also talk about the spiritual controls we have within to bring our good to us. Those controls are our Sincerity Switch, Spontaneity Switch, and lastly our Feelings and Dreams Switch.

Thank you for visiting us today and please keep in touch, sharing your trials and your victories with us. We promise to answer personally every Email that we receive.

Shayne and Lori North in Aurora, Colorado

Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind The Book

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