Abusive Relationship
by B R
(Kentwood, La )
I moved to NYC when I was 18 and got involved with Bobby when I was 20. Bobby was looking to adopt children at the adoption agency where I work. And at first we dated it was a nice relationship but then after my cousin died (now we were together for 2 years) he began to get abusive.
The first time he shook me and slapped me in the face hard! and said "if you don’t want to be ending up dead like your cousin I would do what I say" then he said sorry and I decided to give him another chance. Then the beating got more frequent and turned to him forcing me to have sex with him and putting his 6'7" 250 pound body on top of my 5'3" 110 pound frame and he pinned me down, and would force my head down and whenever I tried to struggle to get away he said "don’t even try to struggle because your not going to win."
I felt helpless and confused. I sought my fathers help by calling him and he couldn’t help me. Then I tried to suggest that a healthy break up would be better and he blacked my eyes and threatened that if I ever tried to leave him he would go after me and kill me, plus I had a child to worry about so I couldn’t do anything.
I tried to leave him but he would beat me every time I suggested it. I was scared to leave him because he would hurt me so I reluctantly stayed but then he would do things to scare me like drive fast, threatening to crash on my side and once I thought I was pregnant with his child, but I wasn’t, he said "even if you were I would get rid of it and if you did anything to stand in my way I would get rid of you too."
Then he would beat me over little stuff by giving me black eyes bloody noses and fat lips. he would hit me very hard and I was confused and he would always say sorry and make it up by buying me expensive things: but materials couldn’t buy love like a trip to Hawaii and my car, which he picked and hit me when I disagreed and the curtains he insisted I put on. Also one Christmas when he wanted to have sex with me I refused and as I was asleep took all my decorations off and threw them out.
then he at times wouldn’t let me leave his house until I obeyed his every sexual command, and was an hour late to pick up my child from school one day because he wouldn’t let me leave.
He also he had sex with me while I was asleep I THINK. He accused me of cheating on him and beat me over that. He broke my stove, headboard, alarm clock, and phone. When he was in a rage I screamed but he stomped on everything about me. How could he be blind to me not needing unforgettable hurts? In a rage he threw a knife at me and put a knife to my throat and said "go ahead tell me again that you wanted to leave me again" I was very scared. Then one day he came over and called my child "worthless cunt bag" leaving her in tears, storming out was when I lost my temper. I screamed for him to get out and he started to swing at me. I ran down the stairs, he pushed me and pulled me up by my hair. When we got into the apartment and he punched me in the stomach and ribs until I was down then got a baseball bat that my child used to play baseball with and beat me with it. Since I was covering my face he hit my ribs then he sat on my chest and choked me repeatedly until he got up. I survived but I ended up with 7 broken ribs.
They still hurt today but I am doing better. He is in jail for attempted murder for 30 years and my child and I are doing good and I met a new man who I love unconditionally and although it’s hard for me to let go of these traumatic experiences’ he works with me and tries to help me. He tries hard and sometimes doesn’t get why I stayed with him but he still works with me and tries hard.
Welcome BR,
It seems like the final straw came when your abuser vented his wrath against your child, and it was then you decided in your mind that enough was enough. We are so glad that you have opened a new chapter in your life. It is hard to get the past experiences out of your mind, but talking about it whenever your feel the need to will give you peace and closure. Over time the need to talk about the past will go away, and free you up to enjoy the new settings of today, with your new love. It sounds like your relationship today is all about choice and acceptance, not about power or submission. We rejoice for your bright future!
In all God’s Love,
Shayne and Lori
This moment of sharing brought to you by:
Our Book Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind.
