Causes of Teenage Depression, and How You the Parent Can Help

Causes of Teenage Depression

Thank you for visiting us. Welcome to our website. We hope we can shed some light in your search for answers for your loved one. The young adult years are unique in that in no other time in human development do we encounter so much change. By our very nature, we dislike change for it means ‘no boundaries.’ In the case of a young adult, they must learn new behaviors that are acceptable within much expanded boundaries. Causes of teenage depression arise when they are trying to find the natural boundaries of their lives and from unmet emotional needs by their source caregivers or parents.

The world of the teenager is very complex because there is a multitude of growths all going on at once. Changes in body chemistry play havoc with emotions during this time, testosterone issues in boys, and estrogen issues in girls. Medical reasons may be causes of teenage depression for about ten percent of all cases, with ten percent responding positively to medical applications alone without other therapy.

While medical deficiencies may account for that small amount as the main cause, it is in the area of the environment where we find most of the cause. Within this website are pages that address medications currently in use if you know that is the cause of teenage depression in your child’s case. Protocol would suggest you always try the simplest remedy first, and then as those do not work, you always move on to the more complex remedies.

Sometimes a dual approach of medications and therapy is best because depression can cause a scarcity of chemicals in the brain. While medications alone may work temporarily, they may not be the sole cause of the problem. We will concern ourselves here with the environmental issues in the teenager’s life, which may help us understand their depression. Environmental means something currently in their life that is causing them distress, whereas experiential means something unresolved in their past.

To understand the possible causes, we need to see the world through their eyes. Theirs is a world of duality. On one hand, they are more dependent on us adults during their high school years than they were when they were younger. Studies show that divorce affects older children more negatively than their younger siblings are affected. On the other hand, they are desperately seeking their own identity, that which will be as far from their parents as possible.

Of all the role models during this time they will strive to imitate, you can bet you the parent will be the last one they will want to be like! Do not be offended, that is just nature taking its course. On one hand, they need your approval now more than ever and on the other hand, none of their friends would catch them dead being seen with you in public! This love and hate relationship is caused by their ‘herding instinct.’

From early adult years, their focus of attention changes from ‘pleasing mom and dad’, to ‘finding my place among all my friends.’ That is nature again, and is not a sign you have been a bad parent. It actually indicates that you have been a good parent, for they feel the ‘call of the herd.'

You may have been a great parent, but your older child will never give you that feedback. Do not expect them to, that is not their responsibility to make you feel good about yourself, which is your job. This is where being a parent requires you to have thick skin, because sometimes what they will lash out at you by saying to you will hurt you deeply. That is the price of parenting during this time. The herding instinct is nature’s way of calling all young people together to establish their identities and find their social rank amongst their own.

Nature calls them through their hearts, and their hearts must answer. When they all congregate, not all is equal among them. Young men may lack the social graces in the presence of girls they feel strongly about, and for which feelings they have no control. Such feelings of low self-esteem and lack of self-certainty are very hard to cope with, and their overwhelming need for acceptance by the group compounds the problem.

While their strong emotions originate in hormones, the effect on their self-esteem can be fatal and permanent if they encounter failures at this stage. Monitoring you older child if you are a parent, teacher, or coach is very important. All young people wear their emotions on their sleeve at this point and everything you will say will either hurt their feelings or offend them.

Have you ever noticed how much food and milk your older child consumes? You may buy three gallons of milk one day to last the week for your family, and the next day it is gone! That is similar to what is happening in their ego needs for approval from you as they grow emotionally as well. They will need and consume constant volumes of approval from you in the same magnitude, as they need your expensive food.

In his or her teenage life, there are many ‘firsts’, a first kiss, a first date, a first shave, a first period, a first dance, a first car, and so on. These are such magical moments for them, and their memories will stay with them for life. For them, everything is a big deal, all experiences are important, and you need to understand that.

As they begin to chart through these adult waters of life, it is easy for a negative experience to overwhelm them. These experiences do not go away over time, and a failure here will stick with them forever. It is from such unresolved failures, dismissed as insignificant by the adult world, which creates depression. Teenagers are stupid sometimes, and for them being stupid in our eyes are okay. On teenagers, stupidity looks good, for we know they will grow out of it. In such wisdom is how you need to relate to them.

Each teenager is different in what his or her behavioral norms are. Trying to figure if they are acting out of norm because something is bothering them is much like measuring the depth of the ocean during a hurricane. However, we can keep an eye on some mile markers and signs.

The first sign to indicate a teenager with depression is how socialized are they? Do they do well with school assignments? Can they speak in front of a group giving oral reports? The answers should be that they can, and even though they may be reluctant to do it, they should be able to when called upon to do it.

The second sign of a teenager with depression may be how socialized are their parents? In this case, we are looking at the causes of teenage depression in the form of lack of nurturement in the home. This is a critical area for a number of reasons; the teenager gets his or her self-esteem, emotional skills and posture, and their relationship to community directly from their parents.

If the parents are shame-based, so too will be the teenager. How close is the teenager to their parents? Do the parents possess social skills to deal with their own feelings in a positive way? Is there alcohol, tobacco, or even drug use in the family of the teenager? Has there been any police activity in the family’s history? How friendly are the parents to other families? Is the interaction between the parents and young adult closed and authoritarian, based upon fear and control, or is it visibly open and warm, with much kidding and joking?

How permissive are the family to outside visitors? Does the teenager have his friends over to his home very often? Do the parents socialize any with the school, come to school games, or visit any other parents? Do the parents encourage the emotional emancipation of their children by welcoming them to have contact with other adults, such as coaches, teachers, and other role models? Any evidence of a closed family system is a red flag for sure.

Ninety percent of all teenage and later depression is from lack of love, understanding, and approval from their parents, or from lack of a parent.

Our young adults are extremely resilient and capable of understanding much about life. Nevertheless, what they are weak in is self-esteem. If we give them the nurturement and acceptance that they need, they will persevere, and carry on the fight against their obstacles. They need to feel you love and accept them just as they are.

You do not need to have the answers to all of their questions, for they sometimes cannot put into words their own questions, just let them know you support them. Let them know their choices and their views are important in the overall scheme of things. It is okay for them to be moody and confused, and all of that stuff! They need you to approve of them and for you to let them find their own way.

Let them know that whatever they wish to do, wherever they wish to go, your love for them and your encouragement for them will always be there, and you are always proud of them. Young persons are very responsive to approval, and your renewed interest in their emotional well-being will fill that need.

For more on meeting their nurturement needs, which causes their depression, please consider our first in series book Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind. In it, we take you through your spiritual journey back home to your Original Self. We talk about God's purpose behind that soul’s journey, as we follow our heart’s dreams to our ultimate destiny. We answer many questions about selfishness, prosperity, psychotherapy, and finding our dreams and happiness. We share much about boundaries. We also talk about the spiritual controls we have within to bring our good to us. Those controls are our Sincerity Switch, Spontaneity Switch, and lastly our Feelings and Dreams Switch.

Thank you for visiting us and please keep in touch, sharing your trials and your victories with us. We promise to answer personally every Email that we receive.

Shayne and Lori North in Aurora, Colorado

Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind The Book

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