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Coping with Being SingleCoping with Being Single If you are having difficulty with living alone by yourself, you need not be ashamed. Welcome to our website. We are glad that you are here. We hope that we can provide the understanding and the encouragement for Coping with being single. Being a single person is not right for everyone. Being single has many strong points for it provides much flexibility. However, it also has some drawbacks for several types of personalities. Being single is an excellent platform for while one may be going to college, in the military, or pursuing a job that requires much travel. The freedom of being single may be fine for a charismatic person who could be a leader, salesperson, or an adventurer. Coping with being single for them is easy. They can utilize the single life quite well. These types of persons are comfortable with an unbounded setting where they are able to live without routine and order in their daily lives. They prefer to live each day one day at a time and love new settings and new challenges, for they love change. However, for one ready to settle down and put roots into their community, Coping with being single is much harder. For us, being a single person can be a very lonely time. We have written this article especially for this type of person. The main difference between extroverts and the other personalities is that they get their selfish needs met from their outer world of their jobs, whereas those of us with reserved type of personalities seek our deep nurturement from our inner worlds of our homes and families. We need family and responsibility to make us feel complete. For those of us who are introverts and reserved, being single is not for us! We prefer strong structure, routine, and order, and actually enjoy the load on our shoulders of domestic responsibilities. That is just the way nature made our personalities. Being single is harder for us, and can be a source of depression and anxiety because of our need for someone to share or deep feelings on a daily basis. Coping with being single is harder than coping with married life for several reasons: Chief among them is the economics. It is harder to buy a home, car, and have as much of disposable income if you are single. True, single persons can live somewhat less expensively, but living off one income, and ‘flying on one engine’ is harder, as many of life’s costs are the same, single or family. The second reason is the companionship. Coming home to an empty nest can be very uncomfortable for someone ready for the companionship of a loved one. For those of us uncomfortable meeting others and finding the right person, our empty home at night is almost unbearable. It acts as a present reminder of our failure to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right. It is at this point our lives may take a critical and fatal turn in the wrong direction.
We may focus our attention too much on finding this magical other person. Because we are so lonely, we may cease from being ourselves. Instead of pursuing our pastimes, hobbies, interests as usual, and expanding ourselves in a natural way, we shut down our own internal dreams and interests and replace them with our more urgent need of finding the right person to make us happy. Our life’s goal becomes overcoming our loneliness by finding our mate instead of being our natural self. This is a critical mistake! We mistakenly believe that ‘to meet people we have to be around people’, so we ‘socialize’ our lives more, and thusly become ‘otherized.’ By going to where other singles are and acting in such a way as to attract others to us, we feel we have the best chance of meeting our Mr. or Mrs. Right. We may go and do things not normally of interest to us to do, and we may begin to act in a way that is not really who we are at all. We try to be a person who is attractive to the opposite sex, instead of being the person who we are inside our heart. If you are having trouble coping with being single, you first need to realize this. You are beautiful. You are special. The right person is out there waiting to meet you. You will meet them by following your interests and working on your own dreams. You will not have to change who you are to attract them to you, nor will you have to go and beat the bushes to flush them out like a rabbit in hiding. Nature does not work that way. The wonderful secret is that hearts attract to other like-minded hearts, and those that are self centered, self-focused and self-empowered will gravitate to those like themselves. You are to be first happy with who and what you are, and then share that enthusiasm with the world around you. Share your enthusiasm with the world and share it in the natural realms where your enthusiasm takes you to share it. Do not give up being you in your search for a companion. Your companion is looking for you and if you are not yourself, they will not see you, because they know the type of person they are looking for! We are not saying ‘sit at home and do not get out meeting people.’ It is okay to increase social activity in public and try some new things. Joining a church, trying a dancing class, getting involved in local politics, or other activity you have never done before is fine, but remember take your authentic self into the situation. By doing the things that you love to do, you will attract that Mr. or Mrs. Right into your life. One word of caution: If you are lonely, you must first search your feelings and be sure why you are lonely. The reason ‘why’ is very important. Just assuming you are lonely and that having a love in your life will fix things is not necessarily true. The reason: for most people not having a spouse is not the cause for your loneliness. When you are lonely, you are not lonely because of lack of another person necessarily; you are lonely because of lack of yourself! We talk about this in depth in our book Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind. The problem you may be coping with may not be lack of friends or loved ones. it may be an internal disconnect with yourself. This point is very important to understand. You must be fully empowered before entering into any future relationships, otherwise you or they will be expecting the partner to fill their internal needs, like a parasite. if that is the case, only spiritual death will be the result. What happens is, when we lose our interests and our dreams, we separate from our circles of energy and our activities of pursuing those interests, and that is where our future friends are right now. Many dysfunctional persons who feel empty will seek out a mate and expect their loved one to fill their lives with joy and meaning. It is not the responsibility of your loved one to make you feel fulfilled, happy and give you a life full of meaning. That is your responsibility to yourself, not theirs! If you are having trouble coping with being single, and cannot cope with living alone, then God did not intend for you to be single. God’s love does not work that way, for it would not serve his purpose to make people permanently occupy an uncomfortable station in life. God wishes you a very satisfied and full life where you do not have to live with, cope with, or tolerate anything undesirable. God may send us into uncomfortable situations to teach us something about ourselves, or more often than not, we send ourselves there by our mistakes. Be assured, once we learn our soul lessons, and we grow to higher levels of maturity, we can rise above our current uncomfortable station in life. We do not need to be, nor does God wish us to be single if we do not want that for ourselves. Coping with being single does not have to be your future. God is not punishing you for past sins. Be yourself, and do the things you love to do, and the right one will come along. God bless as you begin your new life today. We would love to hear from you. Please tell us how you are doing in your search for answers, and to share your trials and victories with us! We answer every Email personally. Below please check out our first in series book Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind. This comprehensive book on emotional recovery takes us through our spiritual journey back home to our Original Self. It specifically addresses emotional abuse and relationship issues, and God's intended lessons behind it. We talk about God's purpose behind that soul’s journey, as we follow our heart’s dreams to our ultimate destiny. We answer many questions about selfishness, prosperity, psychotherapy, and finding our dreams and happiness. We share much about boundaries. We also talk about the spiritual controls we have within to bring our good to us. Those controls are our Sincerity Switch, Spontaneity Switch, and lastly our Feelings and Dreams Switch. This is the ultimate book on your type of situation. Do not let shame and shyness keep you in hiding. This book will help you feel confident enough to start again being your real self! This book will help you to stop keeping the world away. The world wants to see you, and start a life with you, but you must open up to them, not the other way around! Thanks for visiting. Shayne and Lori North
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