Coping With Loneliness

Coping with Loneliness

If you or a loved one is having problems with emptiness and loneliness, we do understand. All of us here have ‘been there’, and know what it is like. I personally have spent my entire first thirty years extremely lonely and in deep depression, and I know every inch of that ground!

We are going to share some little known insight that will prevent your following in those footsteps for that much time. My personal journey there had to be a long one, because it was part of my Soul Journey, but yours does not have to be. Coping with loneliness, is not only possible, it is easy, once you learn a few tricks to understanding the problem.

Welcome to our website. Thank you for visiting us. We wish to offer you or your loved one much encouragement and we can help you find the love and the friendship they or you so desperately need. In coping with loneliness, we will show you what the real cause is, and how to fix it.

We will discuss the true problem that is causing your loneliness, because it is not what you think, or where it is! Furthermore, you or your loved one can then solve their loneliness on their own,with a lot of hard work. That hard work will be the self discipline to learn and apply the positive talk that your subconscious needs to hear. Do not think any more negative talk about you, okay?

There is nothing more painful than the need for social interaction from others and for their fellowship, and not know how to get it. For some of us, social interaction and finding the right place to gather friendship is a natural act. Like a duck to water, some can find, immerse themselves in, and cultivate friendships with ease. For those who are extrovert, and for whom self-expression is easy, social reinforcement comes naturally as part of their world.

Friendships are an automatic part of their daily life activities. Extroverts can seamlessly incorporate others into their world and combine the social and the personal together in a harmonious way. For others of us, with a different makeup internally, we can have great difficulty with this function.

For those of us with the type of personality most prone to loneliness, living our internal lives, and socializing with others sharing our lives outside of ourselves is a most difficult activity. We may have trouble sharing, and we may have trouble trusting, so we stay quietly inside.

The good of that is we have a reliable friend, us, we can count on, and the bad news is we have no nurturement from any outside source, hence our loneliness. However, we will share a few insider secrets that will make your transition from ‘lonely’ to ‘loved,’ much easier. That answer is a very simple one, as we will soon see!

The problem most people have with coping with loneliness is they do not know where the source of their loneliness really is, so they try to change the wrong things and make things even worse. When someone feels lonely, he or she usually respond by assuming they are in need of others in their lives, which is partly true, so they correct that situation by going to settings where there are many people, in the attempt to meet the needed friends.

They assume the only reason they have no friends is lack of social exposure, so they increase the social exposure to solve the problem. They begin coping with loneliness by going to more social settings, in an attempt to meet people, become popular, and grow their inventory of friends and loved ones.

The settings they first choose may include bars, nightclubs, libraries, churches, parks, and other public places where social activity in general is heavy. In rare cases that will work, but usually those friendships go south after a while, despite the lonely person’s best efforts to maintain them.

The emptiness soon returns and leaves the lonely person with the message they are not attractive or desirable in some way as the reason for their eroded friendships and new loss of their social activity. The person cannot figure out why other’s friendships stay and theirs crumble, so next time, they try even harder.

This time, they escalate their coping with loneliness by changing themselves to become a more attractive friend and possible spouse. They bring change to themselves by changing their personality, exercising, making themselves more socially polished and perhaps more educated.

They may even resort to cosmetic surgery, hair implants, and liposuction for regaining youth, or some other cosmetic or wonder drug treatments as well. Over time, they will even try to change their personalities and become extrovert and charismatic in their attempts to gather friends.

This also will fail eventually, and leave them with one confusing message about their person they cannot understand. What is wrong with me? Although I try harder at making and keeping friendships than anyone else, I always fail. Bit by bit, they have sacrificed whom they were to buy the friendship they needed, because their need of friendship was so great.

At some point they will even be willing to give sex, or to support needful others in an attempt to find some acceptance socially. This of course never works, as it only attracts losers, abusers, consumptive poisoners and all the rest of the party crowd.

At the end of that road is a dead end, with the lonely person feeling like they are as different from the people in that crowd as they would feel from some little green or blue aliens from outer space.

This is how most people end up coping with loneliness on their own. Sadly, they may go the rest of their lives, and never look in the right place to find their own kind.

Now for the answer that is going to fix everything. What you or your loved one needs to understand is this: lack of social exposure is not the cause of your loneliness. Neither is your introvert personality, nor is it your age or your education level. None of the things you could change about you is the reason you are lonely.

You are not lonely for other people as you think you are, you are lonely for yourself. You only perceive you loneliness as a lack of social contact with others but you are actually lonely for pursuing something deep within you. Once you begin seeking you, and re immerse your mind in the loves of your heart, then the new change in lifestyle will put you in touch with those you are supposed to meet.

If you like raising chickens, and you loved farm life, then it will do you no good to go to a big city setting to meet people in a bar, simply because there are many people there to meet. Coping with loneliness by leaving what is in your heart to go to what is in your mind will never work, ever!

You must go back to what is in your heart, begin an activity doing what your heart likes to do. Somewhere there you will meet the friends that will love you and the can do activities at which you will excel. When you find this setting in the interests you like, you will find the people just like you whose friendships will last a lifetime.

Finding many friendly people is easy, but finding those people with whom you have something deeply in common is much harder, unless you know where to look. Coping with loneliness is simply a matter of knowing to look for others with the same soul likes as you.

First, to do that you need to reunite with whom and what you were as a child. Go back and begin pursuing the dreams and passions of your youth.

If you liked making toy airplanes out of balsa wood and paper, as you first did in Mr. Rose’s seventh grade science class, then begin doing it again thirty years later! In coping with loneliness, you must learn the difference between a place where many people congregate such as a bar, and a place where you can pursue your interests in the company of other people like you. That is the critical difference.

For coping with your loneliness, you should apply the old saying, ‘be it ever some humble, there is no place like home.’ Start with recovering you enthusiasm over something that was dear to you many years ago. Rekindle that passion and begin following that star. It does not matter if it is something that you do not think you can meet others like you in doing, be assured that you will.

Somewhere others who have the same passions as you congregate and share their insight, the products of their efforts, and create new projects together. That yet discovered place is where you will meet others like you and you will find a new life as well.

Think of yourself as a treasure chest, not a beggar seeking love with nothing to offer in return. Coping with loneliness means you must recognize your value to the others of your kind. Remember they need and welcome your company as much as you need theirs; it is not a one-way street.

Your natural passion will give you a bargaining tool because now you have something valuable to contribute to them, as they do to you. Others will welcome you because you have something deeply in common.

You do not need to seek outside of yourself to find your happiness, for it is always available from within, and from the resources, you can connect to within your heart. You have a natural spiritual defense for coping with loneliness. Just as your immune system fights against infection, so too does you dreams and talents naturally fight off loneliness just as effectively.

For some of us, we may feel we do not have loads of talent or untapped potential for anything. The truth is you do have a talent, a potential, an interest, or even a viewpoint that makes you very valuable to a set of friends somewhere. Political organization has but one common thread, and that is the viewpoint of its members. Others somewhere see life as you do, and need your participation in some effort that you can provide.

If you have no felt talent, you certainly have opinion, and lots of it on certain subjects. Get into what you have opinion about, start sharing it, and get it off your chest. Your energy may well be to change society by addressing an overlooked needed, such as an animal rescue effort, if you live in a large city. Do not be discouraged by lack of resources, if you are on the right track, resources will come to you.

God always sends us our emotional pain to teach us something good about ourselves. To find out more about coping with loneliness, and finding your inner talent, and what kind of personality you have, see our book Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind. In our book, we talk about the four categories of our talents. They are Sharers of Beauty, Loving Nurturers, Reverent Students, and Inspired Creators. If you understand where your spiritual talents are, and return to the passions within, you will change your lifestyle, and draw your settings and your friends to you.

Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind The Book

Coping with loneliness means understanding where it came from originally. When you first became discouraged with your life, you gave up your passions. When you did that, you quit acting like ‘you.’ The second you stopped being ‘you,’ you also shut down the power that organizes your life to unfold.

With your life in free fall, the events God meant for you to achieve, and the loved ones you were to meet, all dissipated into nothing. Coping with loneliness is just a matter of getting back into thinking about the things you love to think about, and focusing on the activity you want to do. To begin coping with your loneliness, start seeing yourself as needed, and beautiful.

Somewhere out there others are as lonely for you as much as you are for them. The map to get to them is within your heart in the code of your talents and interests: follow that, and you will find them. This may be more than just an ending to your loneliness, but could also be the beginning to a new horizon of fulfillment!

Thanks for visiting.

Shayne and Lori North in Aurora, Colorado

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