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Dealing with Loss of a PetDealing with loss of a pet can be very hard, especially if that pet was more than a working animal. For most of us, our pets are cherished companions and family members, and their loss can be emotionally devastating to us. Dealing with the loss of our pet can be a big emotional adjustment to make. This can leave our lives empty of friendship. Pets do more than tasks like fetching the newspaper or turning on a light, they serve as bodyguards, best friends, and constant companions. For some of us, because of certain lifestyle restrictions or lack of mobility we cannot have human interaction like most others. The perfect answer to that is a pet in our homes. Our pets are ego free, so they socialize well with any personality type, a characteristic that does not apply to us humans! Pet relationships also accommodate many different vocations and lifestyles for which human companionship may not be possible. Wherever you wish to go in life, and for whatever vocation you need to pursue, a pet is perfect for you, where human relationships are too costly in many ways. We must learn to deal with the loss of our pet in a different fashion than we would their human counterpart.
The drawback of having pets as loved ones and companions is that most animals do not live as long as humans do. On the average a dog or cat may live ten or twelve years, with some living longer up to fifteen or so. That is true for most mammal pets, with horses living a little longer, some up to forty or more years. Reptile pets live much longer still, and turtles can easily live past a hundred years with no problem. Dealing with the loss of our pet cannot be rushed. Some family members may need longer than others to adjust, and that is okay. For some children it may take quite a lot of talking and sharing to get it out of their system. Let them talk about it as much as they need to. For older people whose pets mean so much, and who who have benefited greatly by their long presence in their lives, they may need to talk and reflect a lot as well. Pets literally do take the place of family. Adults who are nurturers need something to care for and love. Moreover, when that object of our affection is a pet; its loss is literally a part of us. As children, we learn to love and nurture when our parents give dolls to girls or boys receive farm animals to raise. As we grow, we learn that there is an abundance of animals in contact with humans, and as a result, animals are injured or killed. A natural extension of that is we adopt them into our lives to give them homes, as our pets. The first step in dealing with the loss of our pet is to say ‘Goodbye’. When we lost our cat Natasha, we put her in a cardboard box in a comfortable curled up position in a blanket. Along side of her, we put her favorite toys she liked to play with so much. We also included her favorite cat food cans of Fancy Feast and her cat food dish. We put her in a shallow grave up on the hill in our back yard where she would disobediently go when we told her not to. The burial ritual is of course, only for the mourners and not for the mourned. We dealt with the loss of our pet by also talking about it as much as we both needed to. This is a very important step. You may need to say your goodbye after the fact in an emotional ritual of your own. Go for a walk by yourself and imagine your beloved pet with you. From there, talk to your pet and tell it whatever you need to say. We both said ‘goodbye’ to her and thanked her for being a part of our lives. Natasha passed on due to cancer on our kitchen floor one morning in the summer of 2006. Natasha was a very timid cat originally when we brought her home from the Dumb Friends League here in the Denver Area. She later grew to be more self confident, but never became as independent as other cats, and was always in need to be close by one of us. In dealing with her loss as our pet, my only hurt is that we may have done her wrong by not putting her down early in her terminal condition. I avoided the hurt of saying farewell by telling myself that I wanted her to have as many days on this earth as we could give her. It may have been cowardice on our part because that decision may have committed Natasha to much pain in the end. Sometimes Natasha comes back to us as a particularly beautiful spring sunrise, or a refreshing afternoon rain shower. She comes back to tell us thanks and that she forgives us and that she is okay. Sometimes she will return as an exceptionally beautiful Golden Time, as we call the latest remnants of a setting sun, when the sun shines up underneath the clouds in the big Colorado Sky. Once for a fleeting second I saw her scurry around up on the hill by her grave. The reason I knew it was her is because there are no calico cats in our neighborhood anywhere. You will find that your pet will return to you the same way, as some magical manifestation of nature, to say hello and thanks for the wonderful life. If your pet is a bird it may return as a spring breeze or a beautiful thundercloud, as an example. You will not need to guess when your pet returns to visit, for you will know. They want you to know they are okay and that nature takes loving care of its good spirits. They need to finish their spiritual business, just as you need to finish yours. We wanted to share this experience with our Natasha with you because we want you to know this is from a fellow animal lover. In sharing how to deal with the loss of your pet we want you to know this is not psychobabble from a therapist, but wisdom from someone who walked the same emotional journey that you are walking. In dealing with the loss of our pet, it is important to forgive ourselves for any mistakes we may feel guilt about, real or imagined. Please remember that in the final analysis ‘We are all a bunch of Incompetents, just trying to get it right.’ In other words, it is okay to have screwed up on occasion, and God has forgiven you. God sent his pet into your world because he knew you alone would be the best owner your pet could have. God also knew of all possible owners, you would take the best care of his pet, and you have. The next step in dealing with the loss of our pet is to move forward. Being alone is okay for a while, as you reflect on the good times experienced, and the bad times regretted. When it is time, you need to move forward. At first, we did not know if we should get another pet, as if replacement of Natasha would be a blasphemy to her. After a while, we figured out that an empty house is a wasted house, and our lives rightly should have another needful pet in it. The truth is your pet would want you to replace it with another. There is such an abundance of animals in the animal shelters across this great land, and all of them need homes to call their own. Nature abhors a vacuum, and as in the wild, animals fill in quickly any unclaimed territory when there is a death. A home and your empty hearts are just another unclaimed territory another deserving animal would love to fill. Your pet would love you to adopt another pet in its place. Your pet will rest in peace with its place again filled, the new animal will be thankful as well, and that is as it should be. The new pet will never replace the old one, for it will be a new relationship entirely. The best way to deal with the loss of your pet is to carry on with loving care for a new one as long as your heart has room. For help with addressing any of life’s obstacles as we travel on our Soul’s Journey, please consider our first in series book Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind, If emotional abuse in your past is stopping the grieving process of your pet, this may be the ultimate book on your type of situation. It shares how we can resolve all of the obstacles in our Soul’s Journey as we come back home to our Original Self. In the book, we talk about God's real intent behind our lost relationships. Moreover, we talk about what we find in others, and in our pets, is just a reflection of ourselves. There was a reason for us to experience shame and guilt, and that was to teach us a good thing. “What we are searching for is The One who is Looking.” God bless you as you begin your new life today. We would love to hear from you. Please tell us how you are doing in your search for answers, and to share your trials and victories with us! Thank you for visiting us. Shayne and Lori North in Aurora, Colorado
Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind The Book
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