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Dealing with a Sexual Past, Not an Ending, But a New BeginningHow we are dealing with sexual past depends largely on what context this sexual past comes into our present today. If you, or someone you know is having trouble, dealing with their past we need first to look as to the context. We need to ask our selves some questions to put this very important matter into perspective. Why is it relevant today? Are you bringing it up to yourself? Are others bringing it up to you? Why is this issue current to those involved? Are you seeking employment with a company or church where a background investigation is the issue? If employment is the issue, you must decide if full disclosure of that past would be necessary or not. Having a sexual past is about as relevant to a person’s character today as is the fact they wet their diapers as babies. You should only reveal it to an employer if it was a recent issue, or if you have not addressed the matter in a therapeutic way on your own. Further revelation to anyone of a past mistake for which you have made the correction is an unnecessary punishment on yourself. Dealing with sexual past is complete at this stage for you in the matter of third party disclosure because of irrelevance.
We need to look at life in the broader picture and review a basic truth as Christians: We are not here to lead a perfect life for God or Jesus or anyone else, we are here to grow and to learn, and by doing that, to serve, and that is all. Life’s scenarios that God sends for us to interact in are all classrooms, and each era in our life has a lesson, with a lesson plan and a training objective. As we go through these scenarios, we learn by trial and error, with many errors in the trials, many failures in the attempts before we may finally get it right. Whether a previous error in our life is relevant to our self-pride today depends on one thing primarily. That is, did the person learn their soul lessons of the mistake made the first time? Does this person see the causes of the mistake, and have they addressed the needs they had emotionally at that time? Have they grown on to improved things, or are they still stuck in the past at that level? The inherent problem of perfectionists in our churches and in our society who wish to review our past for signs of our present worthiness, are that way of measurement has many flaws. Persons who have felonies for past crimes face this every day. Life measures them by a single measurement, taken at the lowest time at their lives, and then forever assigns a value to them as failures, based on that static measurement. When you are dealing with a sexual past, you are in essence doing the same thing. We should not measure any human potential based on any static measurement taken at their lowest point. Human spirit is far too resilient and dynamic for that. The only time such a measurement is relevant is if the problem has continued and the pattern never changed. Dealing with sexual past in this case would be incomplete as there are lessons yet for you to learn, and you must address these issues in therapy. It is current and relevant, for it indicates a spiritual and a character weakness still within you. Human life is spontaneous, adaptive, and animated. From the smallest of saplings grows the biggest and strongest of trees. So too can the strength of any one individual. Many great persons of strong character in old age failed much while in their youth. The key to dealing with a sexual past from within your self or from others is in forgiveness. Forgiveness for your self for having a sexual past when earlier in life is not just a liberty you may give yourself. Self-forgiveness is a mandatory step you must take before you can do anything further with your Christian walk with God. Dealing with a sexual past means learning lessons and moving on. Souls do not stand still, and neither does life. You must go on to the next setting God leads you into for you next growth stage. What is important is what you have learned from this sexual past, and more importantly, what you can take with you to share to others about this past. The mistakes you or another have made earlier, you can turn into wisdom to help others avoid the same costly mistake. Share your wisdom. Remember, shame is the lie someone told you about yourself. Someone out there needs your knowledge to keep them from the same mistake that you or another person have made. For some strange reason, dealing with sexual past we see differently for men than for women. Society, even Christian society sees having a sexual past as youthful immaturity for men, but they see it as a sign of permanent immorality for a woman. This is unfair, unrealistic, and archaic. It is a carryover from the days of the Scarlet Letter era in medieval England, and has no bearing on reality or true Godly equity today. The one who had the sexual activity in the past is not the same person then as they are today. They are older, wiser, and stronger now than they were then. Age makes us understand the frailty of human spirit, and the biggest frailty of all is that of making a big mistake. We hope that you and your friends can see it in your hearts to forgive the one with the past, whoever it was. We hope that the circumstances of that past are not relevant to the situation of today, as in the case of one seeking employment as custodian over young boys or girls whom they might put at risk. Not every failed sex offender is a threat to children, if it only happened once within the home, nor is every failed adult in moral matters unqualified to hold moral office within a church or company. The best approach is to forgive the one in question, and then carefully weigh the facts if the forgiveness is for hiring or appointing one to a position of trust. We all must begin again sometime for something at which we have failed. Dealing with sexual past requires the wisest of us to help the failed person to understand that God and Life has forgiven them, and help them find ways to attain that for which they seek. God bless you as you begin your new life today, or you help another person to begin his or hers. We would love to hear from you. Please tell us how you are doing in your search for answers, and to share your trials and victories with us! We promise to answer every Email personally. Please consider our first in series book Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/Tools of your Mind. For help with any emotional abuse, self-esteem and emotional healing issues, please consider this book as the definitive answer to your or your loved ones difficulties. This book will help you or your loved one look ahead into a bright moral future instead of look back at a murky past. In our book, we talk about the whole overview of our soul’s journey as we follow our heart’s dreams to our ultimate destiny. We answer many questions about selfishness, prosperity, psychotherapy, and finding our dreams and happiness. We also talk about the spiritual controls we have within to bring our good to us. Those controls are our Sincerity Switch, Spontaneity Switch, and lastly our Feelings and Dreams Switch.
Thank you for visiting! Shayne and Lori North in Aurora, Colorado
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