Relationship Problem Advice
Relationship Problem Advice When many people search for advice, they expect to find answers to a current dilemma, such as ‘I am surprised because my girlfriend left me after we were together for seven years and we moved, what happened?’ In most cases, to answer these types of situations will do no good other than to give temporary anesthesia, if we do not learn the cause.
Relationship Problem Advice: Listen when others give us feedback For comfort and support in a current event, going to a forum and posting our story may help, but we must be willing to listen to what the other members are saying, and follow their counsel! We must make up our mind to leave the forum wiser than when we went in, and make the choice to learn something, and grow from the experience. If we go there just to get sympathy that will not do us or the other members any good, and is a waste of time for all involved.
Our relationship problem advice here will come in the form of instruction on how our emotions work, and how we get our deep needs met. We will share the most common mistakes we make in our associations and friendships. In addition, what we can do about those mistakes.
We need to know how we create our associations, and how we can keep them strong.
Relationship Problem Advice: Fix what is upstream in the river of our relationships, which is our ego
The long-term fix is not to worry about fixing our relationships directly: Fix what is inside and the outside will fix itself. If we have emotional integrity internally, then the result will be nurturing associations in our external social world. Either the present associations will self-repair or new ones will replace them. In this case, we cannot fix the problem at the level of the symptom. We cannot stress that enough! However, in the short term, we may begin to heal any association with an infusion of honesty. Honesty about what we need and honesty about what we want. Honesty and full communication are vitamins to our relationships as are water and rest beneficial to our body.To heal our associations we must understand our emotional profile. In other words, we need to understand what emotionally we need and what we want. That is half the battle if we can define those two items precisely.
All of us live our lives energized by our emotions. These emotions can take two forms. One emotional form is good, which is our wants, and the other is bad, which is our needs. Our problems begin when we forget our wants, and worship our needs. We then act out those needs with abusive associations that poison us.
The first step in fixing any association is we must understand this emotional energy either as a negative need, or as a positive self-expression of our individuality and talents. All of us will be somewhere on a spectrum between these two extremes. Relationship Problem Advice: Understanding Where the Storm Gets Its Energy
The first emotional form we will talk about is the bad form. For many of us with deficiencies, we spend our lives in this lower order form of needful associations. In this form, we are acting as a response to our past, either as anger justification or as a need we have for security. In either case, we are acting solely as a response to our environment from our childhood. We see it as unresolved debt the environment owes to us from our past. Rather than fix the deficiency however, this response to our past only acts to set it in concrete and make that need a permanent part of our life.
The need never gets resolved into what we call ‘resolution unto positivity.’ That is a fancy term, which means we never solve the problem, we just restate it and redefine it in repeated settings, and the problems live in different forms, with different people. Abuse, neglect, and controlling imbalanced relationships are all manifestations of this dynamic.
Relationship Problem Advice: Look For Your Unique Inner Self, and Share It The second form of our emotions is the good form, and is the form our social life will take if our parents have met all of our deep needs from childhood. If our emotionality is complete, then our associations will mirror this precisely. This higher order energy is our unique self-expression and search for fulfillment. This is an emotional mindset of excitement about what we love to do, and what our primal statement to the world is. Unlike the bad emotional form, which is a response to something missing outside; this good form is a statement to what unique sacred excitement is always inside of us.
If we emotionally center our lives on what we lacked, or what life has done to us as children, then our relationships will reflect that as adults. If we emotionally focus on what we are, and what we love to do, then our relationships will reflect that as well.
Relationship Problem Advice: Become Aware of Our Emotionality
Where are we on this spectrum?
Are we on the negative end, where we are living our life in duplicate relationships of abuse and control, just as things were in our childhood? On the other hand, are we on the self-empowered end, where we live our life in the enthusiasm of our dreams, and exploration of our talents?
After we understand both of these good and bad emotional forms and we see where on this spectrum we are, then we can move on to get our emotional needs met. This is the point where our relationships will either fix themselves or self-terminate.
If we are seeking relationship problem advice for our self or a loved one, there is a great chance that there is some unresolved need from our past. First, eliminate the negative need by facing it and defining it. This need is usually for ‘security in love,’ or it can be the undefined question of 'am I okay?' either for us or for our partner. Because it never gets asked verbally, it never gets answered, only repeatedly acted out.
Relationship Problem Advice: Learn a Basic Foundation of How We Grow Emotionally As Children Unmet past needs create insecurity, and they come in two forms, which we call selfish nurturement needs. the first is unmet emotional need, such as lack of love and respect, or downright hate and abuse, and the second is not getting our growth achievements applauded. Both of these forms of love and recognition must happen or serious psyche damage will be the result. Furthermore, the direct result of that psyche damage will be duplicating bad relationships the rest of our lives.
When others ignore our feelings of the moment, they create unmet nurturement needs, and makes us feel alone and invisible. Ignoring our growth and not rejoicing with us in our changes as we mature create uncelebrated growth achievements as we transition from nonsexual child to sexual adult.
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