Sometimes you just have to let it go....

by Ury
(Seattle, WA)

I have recently (the past 6 months) ended a relationship of 8 years that has seen the birth of 4 beautiful children and has been rocky, up-and-down, and admittedly emotionally abusive. The first 3 years were not that bad, but in retrospect I realize the blame game was always being played on me.


As I sit and reflect on this time period, I come up with more and more incidents where my children's father (we were never married) would randomly blow up at me for the smallest things such as being late or forgetful, or letting the children stay up until the terribly late hour of 9pm or something of that nature.



My ex always tried to make my familial relations be strained or problematic, so that it would just be him and me "against the world" so to speak, but he would get angry because I would never totally give up my relationship with mom, dad, sister, etc.


I was blamed for every wrong thing in our relationship and lives although I realize if he had allowed a more normal lifestyle for me, we would not have ended up broke, homeless, and dependent on our mothers for our basic needs.


He would not even let our children be in school or daycare because it was his (unfulfilled) dream to home-school. I used to cry and be terribly upset when he broke up with me repeatedly for no reason at all it seemed, but after awhile I know I was brainwashed because I got used to it.


He then saw that the breakup comments garnered no reaction, so he started doing worse things to 'get my attention' or to get a reaction from me. Last year was the worst because I finally started to question his actions and put my foot down. I did not let him have a female "friend" to live with us, and told her to leave my home, so he went with her. I wasn't okay with him abusing extacy pills and tried to get him help by telling his mother about it, and so I was a bad person and I "embarrassed him and tried to turn his mother against him". We argued constantly, and he called me every name in the book and talked badly about my capabilities as a mother--especially in front of my children.



I argued back, but in defense of myself: "I'm not a b****", "I am a good mother, I do take good care of my children", etc. When he kicked me out of the last place we were living back in November of 2008, that was the last straw. He shoved me out of the door, saying "Get your mother f***ing a** out" and proceeded to throw away all my worldly possessions.


was so depressed by this, but God saw me through. I realized Jesus had said, "sell all that you have and give the money to the poor and follow me" and that kept me because now I had absolutely nothing material and all I could do was focus on Him. As the past 6 months have progressed, its been an uphill battle. I have had the children with me the majority of the time (as has been the case for the large part of our relationship), but we have had a loose agreement in terms of visitation.


This past Tuesday, I agreed to bring the children for a visit to his mothers home where he resides. He accosted me in the car, took the children, tried to steal my purse and car keys, took my car registration and in general scared the hell out of me. He told me I would never see my children again and that we will "deal with me later". He has threatened my life in the past before, but I was so brainwashed that I always made excuses for all his crazy behavior.


This time though, I went to the police and filed a report. I also got a restraining order that gives me custody of the children. The only thing now, is getting my kids back. I have tried twice with a police escort and am going back again today. He has left me 15 harassing messages in the past 5 days as I refuse to speak with him, and yesterday told me that he will take the children out of state.


I'm trying to stay strong and positive, but I need a lot of prayer. I will never go back to him or subject my children or myself to that sort of behavior from him or anyone again. Please share your insight and prayer, and to let anyone in a similar situation know, its time to wake up and see the light like I have. I know the Lord does not grant us a spirit of fear or timidity but of power and love and of a sound mind (something abusers do not have).


God Bless You All.

Dear Ury,

Due to space constraints I cannot say as much on this page as I would like, but our prayers are with you as you are reversing the direction of your life. It takes a lot of resolve to make your recent decisions, and we are very proud of you, fine lady!

With heads bowed, we await your next report on your life. Contact me and we will make a full page about you as a follow up. How does that sound? Maybe include a picture?

Shayne and Lori North

This moment of sharing brought to you by:

Our Book Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind.