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Help for Parents in Coping with Teen PregnancyWelcome to our website. Thank you for visiting us. In the matter of Dealing with teen pregnancy, there are two priorities. In the first case, absolute priority number one is Prevention. In the second case, absolute priority number two is Forgiveness and Move Forward. In the first case, we address the needs of the duaghter. Dealing with teen pregnancy, we will do in the due course of good parenting. Your good parenting would endorse avoidance of premarital sex and the consequential prevention of pregnancy as the result. Giving your child a proper education and your being a nurturing parent are not the only factors involved, however, for there is also the character of the teenager. Teenagers feel the pressure of what we call the ‘herding instinct’. When under such powerful peer pressures, the wish to ‘do the right thing’ must compete with the need ‘to belong and fit in’. The wish to do the right thing and please your parents can be hard to do for a teenager with a weaker personality and a stronger than usual need to belong. Boys will offer approval or threaten rejection to try to get their way. In the world of the teenager, failures can happen; they will make bad choices, drive drunk, and kill someone, or they may have sex and cause an unexpected and unwanted pregnancy. There can be casualties in war, and there can be casualties in teenagers growing up. That is life. In the first case dealing with teen pregnancy, you addressed the needs of your child as she grew up as best you could. Nevertheless, it was not enough. Now you are in the second case, where you must address the needs of the new mother and baby. It does no good to penalize the mother with punitive measures for her indiscretion from here on out, because both she and the baby will feel the hostility, and suffer behavioral problems. Again, priority number two is Forgiveness and Move Forward. Neither mother nor baby will benefit from harsh corrective reminding at this point. Babies are very sensitive to hostility around them, even while in the womb. A hostile adult environment now will translate into deep insecurity issues for the child later on in life. The problems for a teen mother are ones of scarcity. Teen mothers are as dependent on their parents as their babies are on them. The teenager needs her parents now more than ever before in her life. The critical thing right now is how big the parents are to live up to what life is now demanding of them. Mom, Dad, this is where you have the opportunity to distinguish yourselves from being a set of good parents to being a set of the greatest parents in the world. In dealing with teen pregnancy, not many parents have the emotional maturity and the grand wisdom that you two now have the chance to display. This is where class has a chance to distinguish itself, and you Mom and Dad have that class! The most important point for you the parents to make to your daughter is that you both love her and forgive her. This does not mean that you condone her actions. The consequences of her actions are grave, and each party must live up to their responsibilities to each other and to the child. This may mean making hard choices about the liabilities they have created in the adult world. The following are some areas where all the parties with a stake may have to make choices. Abortion options If the pregnancy was by rape, then abortion may be the only logical choice by default. There is no moral obligation for a teenager to carry any rapist’s child at the risk and expense of her own emotional, social, and physical well being and future. This should be the first aspect of the situation for all parties who have a standing interest to address, because it will be the earliest decision on which time will run out. This decision will depend also on the legal and political climate where the family and teenager reside. States and municipalities can vary greatly in their posture in the law in this regard. Adoption issues If the pregnancy was consensual and the teenage girl concedes an emotional and financial obligation is beyond her resources and that from both families, then adoption is a wise choice. In dealing with teen pregnancy, this is the hardest decision the new mother may have to face. We hope that in as many a cases as possible, you can find a way to keep the baby with the natural mother. The gravity of this decision is very great, because the posture of the laws and the posture followed by the agencies involved are to protect the child from being a pawn in the event of a parent changing her mind because she misses her baby.
Legal issues There are several areas where legality enters into this new setting. In the first relationship; What is the relationship now between the mother and the father? Are they old enough, or do they want to get married? Do either of them live on their own and are either one emancipated, either emotionally or financially? Can the mother seek child support from the father? If she seeks it, must she concede visitation rights or some other rights she might otherwise wish to keep for herself? Financial need Who is going to pay for the childbirth costs?Will insurance cover these costs, or will it be the father, or either or both parents?What is the lifestyle of the mother? Is she a working mom? Is she a student in high school or early college? Is she in school? What is the financial and lifestyle status of her parents? Are they both working, or do they stay at home?What is the help they may wish to give towards the mother, either financial, or labor assistance with babysitting or housing for the mom? What level of accountability does the father assume?In the case of an unemancipated and dependent father, what level of accountability do the father’s parents assume and offer? Needs of the baby What are the general health and medical needs of the baby? If all is okay and the baby is healthy, then the mother and her mother can best meet the care needs of the baby. This is because in most cases, the mother and her mother have the closest emotional ties to the baby, and are generally closest physically to the resources the baby will need at this point. The females, the mother, and both grandmothers usually contribute best by caring for the baby directly, while the males, the father, and both grandfathers, do best by working extra and providing the funds for the family and child. Conflict with schoolwork or work With the addition of the child into the family setting, all the immediate family members must strike a new balance of priorities. The first conflict is between the needs of the baby for continuous care, and the needs of the mother and her parents to go to work. If the mother is in school, there is an urgent need to stay in school and participating making good grades to keep her future alive. Both of these conflicting needs are critical. With compromise and as much outside support as the family can gather, God will make a way. Dealing with teen pregnancy means finding balances in many things. This is one area where the social needs of the mother must subrogate to the care needs of the child in a safe must compromise. School social life issues While the inclusion of a child into the mother’s world will alter her relationship with her classmates, it does not mean it has to kill it. As much as possible the mother needs to attend school and some of the activities of her classmates. If she can attend one in five or ten, that is a fair ratio. She is not a carefree single student anymore. To the extent that her families can allow, some school activities should be possible. Going off on vacations to Florida for spring break are out. Freedom for socializing is one of the prices she has to pay for the responsibility of parenthood. Obligations of the father It must be the mother, and perhaps the mother’s parents who will determine what the obligations of the father should be. They should agree on and will collect those obligations, as they need. That is fair, since they are most likely the ones who will pick up the lion’s share of the child’s upbringing, they should have the most say in what else they need, if anything.
Babysitter needs The need for infant care will be the greatest cost of all the needs, and will comprise the greatest lifestyle change of all on the mother, and her family. This more than any other cost will require the most sacrifice for the family. The only advice we can offer is to seek as much as possible all the services of the relatives who live within close distance. Happily, most relatives usually welcome the request for babysitting duties if the mother openly allows them to be a permanent part of the newborn’s life. There is usually no shortage of volunteers in this regard. Just remember, the sacrifice on all those who babysat for you, so be fair, and compensate them with visitation when the child is older. This is very important. Nutritional and childcare needs When unexpected pregnancy arises, it brings with it need for a new set of skills and knowledge, which the mother has to learn. The grandmother has to teach child-care skills to the new mother through each stage of the child’s development. This can be a bonding and positive time for mother and grandmother alike. It is special in that much heritage passes for many generations as the grandmother teaches the new mother cooking and childcare family tradition. Outlook for the mother With the support of the mother’s family, this can be a positive and wonderful beginning, not a tragic and immoral mistake in one’s life. Do not feel ashamed and worry about saving face, even if you and your social setting is among Christian and church families. How the public around the family will see the event will depend on how the family of the pregnant teenager will see it themselves. If the family sees it as a black mark on the character of their daughter, the people around them will see it the same way. Part of dealing with teen pregnancy is in seeing it in the proper perspective for your situation. You can make the costs of an unexpected pregnancy be greater than they have to be. We can focus on the mistake, or we can make the best of what is now an irreversible event. Dealing with teen pregnancy in the final analysis may be in seeing a bright future and in welcoming the blessing of grandchild, whether it arrived a little early or not. We wish you every good turn in your new situation for you or for your friend.
Premature pregnancy oftentimes is an indication of severe emotional need in the girl. For help in meeting this need for her and for teaching her adult life skills with meeting her own needs, we recommend our our first in series book Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind. Written for teens and adults alike, this comprehensive book on emotional recovery takes us through our spiritual journey back home to our Original Self. It specifically addresses needs of self esteem and relationship issues, which are so strong in the teenage years, and God's intended lessons behind it. We talk much about our boundaries. We answer many questions about selfishness, prosperity, psychotherapy, and how to find our dreams and happiness. This is the ultimate book on your type of situation. God bless you as you begin your new life today. We would love to hear from you. Please tell us how you are doing in your search for answers, and to share your trials and victories with us! We promise to answer every Email personally. Thanks for visiting! Shayne and Lori North in Aurora, Colorado
Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind The Book
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