Understanding Women in Relationships

We have written Understanding Women in Relationships for men in learning to understand their self and to gain more insight into women, for creating long lasting relationships.

When we talk about depression and anxiety, we are speaking of emotions, and our emotional need. One of the greatest sources in getting our emotional needs met is with our interaction with the opposite sex. In its final analysis, our sense of ego and the rating of our self-esteem have its strongest basis in our relationships with women, if we are men. The first relationship was with our mother, and from that first imprinting, we project all our future relationships in that same template. If our parental source figure interaction was complete in all its nurturing then we will feel self-empowered, and our relationships with women will be a naturally healthy event in our lives. If however our first relationship was incomplete, then all future relationships will carry the same handicap of our lack of understanding, both of us, and of understanding women.

Welcome to our website. Thank you for visiting. We wish to share some insight that will make your understanding of your self, and of understanding women in relationships much more complete.

Understanding our self before we understand women in relationships

We will begin with you. You are not an evil monster, just as they are not aliens from the farthest galaxy. Let us face it; you are here because you may need female companionship, and perhaps you may feel guilty or wrong, and ashamed that you have that need. There must be some degree of unmet need; otherwise, you would not be here seeking to understand women. If this is true, admit it, face your feelings and embrace your needs and insecurities with honesty, and we will move along. This admitting of a need is very important, because it is the basis of our mindset on which all else we share here will rest.

The first step in understanding women is to be honest with yourself and your feelings and needs. if you feel unworthy, ugly, unsophisticated, undesirable as a man then you must embrace that guilt, shame, and sense of inferiority completely. Your feelings about you are part of you, and we have to bring our entire luggage along when we travel somewhere. Your honesty here will attract you to similarly honest women when you meet them. If you deny some aspect of your feelings, you will only interact with women who have that same dysfunctional tendency themselves, and that is exactly what you do not want!

Perhaps adults misunderstood your interest in the opposite sex when you were a child, and humiliated you for that, as my parents did to me. Perhaps earlier attempts at relationships went aground when a girl of interest rejected you. Perhaps you associate need of women with guilt and wrong. Let us get rid of that guilt right now. You have that need of fellowship with women because God, Life, and Nature made you that way. If men did not get lonely, then there would be no interaction, and no babies would happen, and we would all die out. You are not evil and a predator, you are part of God’s answer to a problem, which is procreation. You are also part of another of God's answers, which is the lonely female out there somewhere who needs you in her life. You are part of the community of humanity and deserve to participate fully without moral injunction. Humankind needs you as much as you need them, and that is as it should be. You must feel no guilt. Say repeatedly to yourself, 'I deserve deep and lasting relationships with a girlfriend or spouse.'

That is the first step in the preparation for you to meet her. When you do meet, there will be no misunderstandings and it will be on the terms comfortable to you and her. We will even show you where she is, and how you two will meet! All of that is coming up right here, so do not go anywhere!

Why do we need to be honest with our feelings when we are trying to gain understanding of women? Your lack of understanding women in relationships is not the only thing that can hinder finding miss right, it may also be that guilt for needing companionship. This guilt can disguise itself as a lack of understanding of women, as we subconsciously sabotage all relationships to fail. Of course, our ego will conveniently blame it on our lack of understanding the opposite sex, when that in fact is not the case!

The second step in understanding women is understand the law of like attracts like. If we see women as aliens from some other cosmic dimension, and we cannot understand their conversation, and feel we cannot find their acceptance, we will naturally choose to show interest in a female with a similar mindset towards us. We have a radio inside of us that is always on, and it broadcasts to all of humanity on the psychic internet. What we feel about ourselves and about others is what we transmit, and others of similar feelings will gravitate into our lives to interact with us. If we feel fearful, and we mistrust, we will attract threatening poisoner type women to populate our social life. These would be women whom nobody could possibly understand! If we feel guilty for needing women emotionally, we will attract hostile predatory women to reinforce that reality. However, if we embrace our own honesty, and seek to meet our own needs without guilt, in a mutually beneficial relationship, we will attract women equally honest and caring as well, who seek the same.

What you do not understand about women is not as important as is your understanding of how to attract honest, self focused, caring women who will benefit from a relationship with you. The choice to be sincere in seeking companionship. will attract women on that same wavelength. You do not need to understand as much as you think you do. The lack of understanding is not a big obstacle, but the permission you give your self, and your approach to that relationship, with them is. Your honesty about getting your needs met, and the choice to give mutually in meeting the needs of another person with your loyalty, will be visible to all women everywhere. Women will be able to sense it over the horizon and will come into your sphere of influence to meet you. We all metaphysically talk to each other before we even meet. Our choice to be a loving loyal spouse we will subconsciously broadcast to the right like-minded lonely female, which we are to meet, and she will respond. Emotionally healed people gravitate together, as do losers and dysfunctional abusers.

Let us review. We learned that the first step in understanding women in relationships is to acknowledge all of our feelings and needs about ourselves, including guilt and shame. If we do not understand us, we cannot understand another, so first we must fully embrace our self. If you feel you do not understand women, you are running from some emotional need you have. If you find that need, you will open you eyes to how to see the opposite sex. Emotional need blinds us to what we already know, but will not accept.

Second, we learned that in the spiritual realm like attracts like. This is the act of subconscious praying for what we want, which we do all the time. If we choose to be sincere and seek a strong relationship with a loving other, we will attract a similarly minded woman into our life with the same objective for herself as well. If we seek to have a good time with some good looking bimbo, that we can use for sex and partying, that is probably what we will get, and we will pay a heavy price for that. Our attitude towards ourselves and towards others will attract people into our lives with the same attitude towards us. Our attitude tunes the frequency of our psychic radio, which others on the same frequency as we are, constantly listen. Mistrust or hatred in our attitude will attract hostile, non-intimate abusers to us, from which we will have to defend ourselves. Again, they will come as disconnected women for which we feel we have a lack of understanding, as an apparent cause for the failure of the relationships.

Now finally we will touch a little on the differences between men and women to shed a little light into how they think, and what generally women feel. If you can see the differences in how men and women relate to their worlds, you can better understand women. Men are the initiators of action and women are responders, who act in their own perceived self-interest. Women are very sensitive to sincerity and honesty, and they will notice immediately any tendency to recognize them as significant in any emotional transaction. Women want security, and as a gender characteristic, do not like things to change very much. If we approach any friendship with the attitude that we want to treat them with the deepest of respect, then they will respond in kind. Men respect each other after they both have achieved something, as in a sports contest, or building something. Women operate in the reverse, and want the companionship, then set about doing the task. With men, it is achievement first, then companionship, and with women it is companionship first, and then achievement.

Women want a home generally, and all that matters is the integrity of their household and family. Women do not quantify things as much as a man does. For a man, it is not good enough to have a big truck; it has to be bigger and fancier than his neighbors’ truck next door. For a woman, adequate is adequate, but for a man, who looks at their environment through competitive eyes, adequate is not good enough, only the best is good enough and nothing less will do! Men have an external focus whereas women have an internal focus. That difference in focus is because God and Nature has hard-wired women to care more about the home, husband, and children, whereas God has hard-wired men to be concerned with working the land and their relationships in the community to earn a living. That is healthy and as it should be.

There are many myths floating around on the subject of dating and meeting Miss Right. Some are common, and others may be private insecurities you may have. We will show you that they are all lies, and the proponents of these myths stand to profit from your taking their bait. That bait may be buying their singles newsletter or subscribing to their dating website. What they are interested in doing is convincing you that you are not good enough to find companionship without their helping you to change and 'not be you.' What they propose is a dark path that will only lead you to meet inferior feeling women who choose superficiality to attract companionship, as you are doing. In other words, all you will meet are losers and phonies in a tinsel world setting that will leave you alone in the end. You will gain no understanding women in relationships with these sites or comfort from the women you will meet through them.

The myth is also that you must be very socially skilled and well schooled in the fine art of meeting and dating, and must learn how to read women like a book. The Myth states that you must be a master of the art of dating, to be a cool player who understands women, the dating scene and understanding all the nuances of body language. All these type of websites will tell you they have the insider secrets on how to read women, and how to project power and confidence, be a master of flirting, and get any women you want, and as many women as you want. If you want to date for the sake of dating, then go out and have at it.

For the rest of us there is a more direct route to happiness, which is the real issue here. Real men are not so much interested in understanding women as much as they want to know how to find the right female to meet their emotional needs in a permanent relationship. You do not need to be especially sophisticated, smooth, eloquent, and handsome, as much as you need to be the authentic, original you. God has already given you all the handsomeness and manhood you will ever need to steal the heart of the right girl for you. However if you cannot be happy with who you are, and bask in your own self-acceptance, then how can any female? Love comes first from within, and must start in you, then others will follow suit. If you are thinking, you will feel better about yourself if a pretty girl loves you that will not work. It is not another person’s responsibility to give you your sense of value because it is your responsibility. Love must be by choice, not out of self-esteem need, ever!

The main truth you need to realize about understanding women in relationships is that all women are looking for Reality, Sincerity, and Honesty. All women desire someone who will need them, care for them, and whose affection will be permanent. When you can come to a mental attitude of trust of the right woman whose lifestyle, interests, and values mirror yours, then you will meet her. When it comes to dating and marriage, the ultimate weapon of choice in winning a woman’s heart is truth and sincerity. When you cannot pretend anything, and everything you do or say is what you truly feel, then not only women, but also all life will pick that up and bow down to worship you in your Authentic Self. Life comes to minister to the needs of those who are most honest with themselves.

If you suffer from any feelings of inferiority, those concepts are all myth and wrong: 'I do not feel comfortable in the church, bar or public group setting where women are.’ You do not have to go to the social watering holes in the community to meet the right one for you. We said at the beginning of this page that we would show you where to meet Miss Right. Do not worry if you are not the outgoing, social type with an entertaining game-show host personality. Go about your normal daily life schedule doing the things that you normally do. As you pursue your interests and follow the dreams in your heart, so too will she. Moreover, you two will meet in the normal course of life, in the settings where it is natural for you to be. Forget the nightclub scene and the books and courses on body language and trendy etiquette, because you will not need it for understanding women. As you start to be authentic, as is she, you will meet in the same arenas of interest and activity. If you like trains, and travel, that is where you will meet, in some convention or club that studies them. If you like old book collecting, you will meet in a used bookstore somewhere in a large city or in a small town library.

Myth; ‘There is no one out there who will understand me, or who will like me and choose me. I am too different.' Understanding women in relationships is also a matter of realizing they are as individual and different as men are. Somewhere out there is a match for you with the same outlook on life and ambitions as you. In addition, the sooner you start following your own life path, instead of following the crowds, the sooner God and Life will lead you to the natural setting where she is. You will find her in the quiet side waters, not out in the main stream of social activity, more than likely. Remember, higher numbers of women, as in a crowded bar, does not equate to higher probability of meeting your type of girl. A lot of those women no one can understand! Trust us, you are not missing anything!

Myth, ‘I was not popular in school as a teenager, so I am a failure as an adult.’ Actually, the reverse is true, for many of those who did outstanding in school fail to make it as an adult. When those who were outgoing and stellar in high school hit the rigors of real life, they fall flat. Those who were in the sidelines in school, familiar with hardship, often do well as adults as they come from behind to win at life’s accomplishments, often in their late forties and fifties! Slow, steady, and keeping persistent is the best approach. Your lack of skill in understanding woman in relationships in your youth has absolutely no bearing on your understanding of them today. That was a different world, and because it was so social, it heavily favors the extrovert and the leaders, and is not relevant to the character requirements of real life in the adult world. What would have been a drawback and cause women to not be interested then, will make you very desirable to them today. Remember, women are looking for Reality, Sincerity, and above all Honesty. Women want love and affection, not just attention and to have entertainment, only shallow empty-headed bimbos want that.

Myth, I have some bipolar issues and my temperament is not acceptable to women. One of the worst mistakes we see men make in understanding women in relationships is to try to remove all their needs and weaknesses in order to attract a significant other. Again, that is hiding who you really are and being a lie. The very need or weakness you have may give strength to the relationship as it grows. What seems like a weakness and a discouragement to a girl to you may actually be an attractive need to her. A weakness that you are honest about, or a fear that you have, such as fear of flying, may make her feel necessary, and women very much need to feel needed, for they are nurturers and comforters. As a gender characteristic, no woman will want to be with a man who does not have weaknesses and who does not have need of them. Women are honest, feeling, and needful, and they will bond best with an honest, feeling, and needful man with whom they feel on equal ground.

For more on understanding women in relationships, and understanding ourselves, please consider our book Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind. In this book, we talk about the whole overview of our soul’s journey as we follow our heart’s dreams to our ultimate destiny. We answer many questions about selfishness, prosperity, psychotherapy, and finding our dreams and happiness. We talk much about our boundaries. We also talk about the spiritual controls we have within to bring our good to us. Those controls are our Sincerity Switch, Spontaneity Switch, and lastly our Feelings and Dreams Switch.

Thank you for visiting us today and please keep in touch, sharing your trials and your victories with us. We promise to answer personally every Email that we receive.

Shayne and Lori North in Aurora, Colorado

Overcoming Depression from Emotional Abuse/The Tools of Your Mind The Book

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